note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2003.10.17 11:04 p.m.

my stomach really hurts, i'm not sure if it's all the lactose i've ingested today or if it's the $55 medication i just took. oh gross, if these don't work, i'll cut you.

i had a day off work. paul tried to get me to come in..but i didn't want to. they didn't need me anyway. but i was actually there for a bit though, to have break with danielle and steve-dave. and i brought ethan with me. i think he had fun. he's so weird. i guess that's part of being four..and not super social. he likes danielle now because she gave him some bacon.

danielle got a diary today. it's dmurphy.diaryland.com. so you can read it. some times she's vicious though. and ugly. and fat, fatty. she's also very hot, so those of you (and you know who you are,) can read all of her innermost thoughts. double hot. i hope she talks about richie!

oh, and toronto priscilla, otherwise now known as 'allice', has a diary as well that you should read. it's snella.diaryland.com. i got our pictures back. if i could scan them i'd show you...but you know. i got doubles though to send to her. there's also a couple of true-beauty shots of steve. holy does she look funny. she's going to be so angry.

all i did this afternoon/evening was watch tv. i liked it. i'm trying to ingore how completely pre-menstral i am. so i'm just eating and eating and watching tv. and good tv! i watched an entire tape of sex and the city (from season 3). it was so good. and exciting. s&c makes me want to wear high heels and go on dates. not really have sex though, there's too much weird shit going on. and i watched 'moonstruck'. i was impressed. cher and nicolas cage were good! and so cute. i like it when there's happy endings. and just now i watched 'princess and the warrior', that one that by the same people and with the same actress as 'run lola run'. it was quite good. but strange. and not as impressive as lola.

i really want to see 'lost in translation'. and everything else. i think i'm going to quit my job and devote my life to watching movies. and never leave my room and drink lots and lots of passion tea.

'moonstruck' made me want to learn italian and 'princess and the warrior' made me want to learn german. i'm thinking about going to university and taking french...did i say that already? and possibly another language, though i'd have a hard time learning which one. i regret not taking german in high school. i feel like going back to high school and taking everything i regret not taking. except not at all.

i want a husband of a different race/culture. i'm bored of being so white and english and boring. i'd say 90% of boy i've kissed have had blue/green eyes.

i need a crush. badly. i'm falling over of boredom. i listened to a little of constantine's radio show today, but he's a pointless crush. and..irrational.

i'd like to feel smitten.

i'm listening to weakerthans again and again. they're right for sadness. and i'm trying to ignore my sinking heart but i can't stop thinking about friends that i miss or don't understand or ... can't figure out. i'm not sure whether i'm a terrible friend or not. sometimes i guess.

(i'm your dress at the back near your knees and your slip is showing..)

i don't want to open tomorrow. idon't want to get up at four thirty. holy god i have to go to bed soon.

i just want you to know if you're wondering if i love you, yes, i do.and i miss you. and i wish that i was good at expressing things. and loving people right out and winning people back and appologizing...but i'm not. i'm horrible at it. i wince at the thought of showing unreturned affection. i fear rejection. and commitment and abandonment.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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