disclaimer: this is the life and times of meredith r. mistletoe. i'm making a slight attempt to disguise my identity and hide things that i write about and pretend i don't feel things i do. but if you read this and i don't know you read it, then you read it at your own risk. and you should let me know you're reading it... especially because a lot of the time things need clarifying or aren't quite true anymore or etc etc etc.
note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.
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2002-03-24 3:37 p.m.
i wish i were a boy somedays. and younger. i wish that i could be good friends with matt and fraser and graeme and his crew. i really do. but there is this some kind of boundary. and i think that i perpetuate it. by being an eternal flirt. by being attracted to varying members of the crew. and i want not to be. i want to just be their good friend.
i was upset about not being in graeme's movie. and about them playing video games and having boy sleep-overs. not justly sad, because they deserve to be boys and do boy things. but i hate that twenty-four hours is hard because of gender. it shouldn't be. and it was mostly my fault. i like people being attracted to me. mostly because i don't believe it. but at the same time i'd like to just be with people. just be.
i also with i was as humourous. and fit in as nicely.
i think i might have to make a decision between dressing with some sort of sex appeal, and being friends with boys. (i might also have to stop showing them my breasts. stupid breasts.)
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this all just makes me sad.
and i was trying to be happy to some degree today.
me and alisinian had a nice morning i think. i really love her despite our fight-ugly relationship.
talking to my aunt yesterday made me think about maybe moving to edmonton. yeah yeah. i think...their white ave. is like our broadway. i could find all new beautiful people. sigh sigh. sigh...
so i think this is it. (i mean i said this about my store too...) but i want this. i want to be an actor. i want to be famous. or at least semi-successful. the thing that ties all famous people together is that they WANT it. and i do do do. (i'd be fucking good at it too.) i want to be touched and pampered and looked at and coveted. i'm not sure if this makes me narcissistic or dreadfully self-involved, but i don't really care.
and in edmonton i could start. or even in regina. we'd have to see......
encourage me. (and why can't anyone tell me if i'm a good actor? i could tell anyone straight up what i thought of them, even from one play. why is it so difficult? am i that bad?)
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it's almost time to give away the kittens. i think we're keeping margaret mouse and a.c.(adventure cat). the witch kitten is going to have to go to the spca i think......and maybe pansy too.
there are just too many cats here. toooo many. do you want a kitten?
if a were a younger boy.
previously - and then
*oh random entry*
all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15
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