note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2004.01.14 7:59 p.m.

today was a little worse. and by worse i mean, still pretty damn excellent.

haha. i'm ridiculous. and getting slightly worried that i'll start procrastinating already, that i'll get bored, and not feel like going to class, or that i'll be so obnoxious that they'll kick me out.

it's all something here. i don't even realize how stressed out i am until i start bawling or hyperventilating.

i talked to jeffmorton today, he called. things are really fucked up for him. but in a way, i still don't know how he couldn't have really gotten how i was feeling. i just starting weeping. tried, fairly unsuccessfully to hide it from him. but yes, jen and him broke up and things are weird. and weirding me out. extreme. and i don't want them to love each other more than they love me. gah.

i'm not such a rational human.

i am tired though. this course is going to suck the life out of me i feel. in a good way? i just need to be more in control of my sleep patterns/eating/etc etc.

in related news, officially. i'm in love with anaprox or whatever the hell medicine this is i'm taking. holy god. my cramps are gone and my blood flow is probably half as much! holygoodlord. seriously. and i've been taking it for 2 or 3 months now, so i feel okay saying that. except now i've jinxed it. god i hope not.

i love it. oh the freedom.

i talked to three cute boys today!!!! and that doesn't include phone conversations. all actors, the worst. the first, damon, i've talked about before. i like/hate him. so much. it gets worse and worse. i just talked to him breifly and realized that his hair (which i had thought was..lame,) is actually really cute in the way it forms a cute peak at the top... and he purposefully came over to talk to me about how cool it is that i've moved from saskatoon. and that he hopes i'm not homesick too bad. but he managed to do this in a bizarre cocky way. yeah. i lust for / hate him.

i also talked to this boy in my class that's sweet and cute, who's name is nathaniel(sp?). i haven't given him much thought but we started talking on the bus home today about music, and how much we loooove it. we bonded over radiohead and beck and 'geek rap'. which is a term i'd never heard. awesome. but i get the impression it's kind of like what mattdean does sometimes. a little bit socially conscious and a little bit like poetry. i want him to show me lots of new artists that make geek rap. fun. yeah, he's nice. i decided.

and also to this boy named jesse in the third year theatre program. he's sooo cute and seems very sweet. i was introduced to him this morning at a giant meeting of the theatre/film groups. he has large green/blue eyes with dark lashes and dark-ish curly hair. he manages to look really good in sweats and flipflops. when i saw him later he was holding a kerouac book, and a poetry anthology of some sort. awww. he remembered my name when i was almost introcuced to him again.i love him. too bad he has a girlfriend (aparantly) in niagra falls. wah wah. i can still love him from afar. or just across the hall.

oh cute boys will always be my savior. for sure.

i also phoned constantine earlier. i was worried that he hated me because i sent him 1.5 emails (the .5 is because it was a mass email, and not just for him), and he hasn't responded at all. and i was unsure of how to feel towards him. but we talked for a bit (he was late to go teach breakdancing, i'm sure)..it was nice. re-affirmed my position towards him, which is, we're friends. and i'm quite glad that we're friends because i find him highly entertaining. he doesn't have internet access, so he hasn't even checked since right after i left. and yeah, it's very fine. and he seemed genuinely happy i'd phoned, and genuinely interested in how and what i'm doing.

i'm going to go see ron howard speak! guh. i'm excited. i love happy days beyond anything. and also, he's a pretty great director/produced/etc etc. jtt always names him as one of his idols. haha shoot me.

no, actually don't. i'm definitely having a time.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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