note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2002.11.05 11:29 p.m.

is diaryland depressing, or are you just such a bad friend that you know that you'll never do anything to help any of the people on here? that you can't be bothered to care? because if you knew all of the shit you might feel obligated to be nice to someone other than yourself?

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andrea told her younger sister (grade 9ish) that she'd gain more weight as she got older, especially later in puberty and getting hips and all that. andrea's father told her that she didn't have to, that if she actually took care of herself then she wouldn't gain weight at all. basically telling andrea that she's fat. he also said that andrea shouldn't just lie around all the time. not mentioning that she works a forty+ hour week on her feet and takes a hip hop dance class one a week. fuck him. fuck him fuck him fuck him. andrea's mom asked if andrea 'wanted to be ugly' because andrea wasn't caring about losing weight. fuck her. x3. andrea's what i would be if i'd been brought up in a house that cared. not to mention that andrea isn't fat. at all. she's about 5'10 and 160lb.s, i'm angry at most of this fucking society.

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if you think that fat is ugly than fuck you too. fuck you. i can't believe this is our world. i can't believe that we promote this fucking shit. that people buy into it. with all of our technologies and our inventions. our billions of people. and this is what we spend time thinking about.

every excercise machine that i went on yesterday had a calorie counter built in. and i couldn't turn it off. or change it. and i found myself wondering 'how many calories were in my supper? how long would i have to work to burn it all off?' i have never wanted to think about this. i wish i was immune to all of this. i wish i was as smart as all this 'fuck you' i've been saying. but i hate the cellulite on my thighs and i hate my ugly bum (other reasons than fat, but still...). i've caught myself thinking, wow, she looks fat. but the thing is, it wasn't even really negative. just an observation. i hate all of this.

i think it is far more healthy to over weight than it is to spend all your time worrying about it.

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i just want to be floating in a pool. i just want to laze around and summersault. do handstands and hang from the sides of the pool. maybe tomorrow.

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i just want to get away from all of this. apparantly my college program would run the spring and the summer. i guess having the fall off. how strange. how how strange. i guess, if that's the way it's going to be...

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jonathan taylor thomas is going to be on smallville. i like smallville.

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i borrowed some dvds. but i haven't watched them yet. i'm going to borrow amelie next week, so if you haven't seen it you better come over.

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i need christmas. i need something.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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