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disclaimer: this is the life and times of meredith r. mistletoe. i'm making a slight attempt to disguise my identity and hide things that i write about and pretend i don't feel things i do. but if you read this and i don't know you read it, then you read it at your own risk. and you should let me know you're reading it... especially because a lot of the time things need clarifying or aren't quite true anymore or etc etc etc.

note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.


2007.01.30 1:23 a.m.

Long day.

Doctor's appointment, office, audition, long walk home, TV, talk with mum, TV.

Walking felt good. I don't walk enough in the wintertime. It was very cold and windy and invigorating (or some other nonsense). Walking at this time of year always makes me think of when I first moved here and would spend so much time trekking to school in the early morning dark slush and back in the twilight slush, listening to the mixtape that Constantine made for me and reading monologue after play after screenplay after scene.

I had a voice-over audition today for a series. It didn't go very well. I was nervous. I would like to do voice-over work. It would be very hard, I think, and very fun. The thing is, they can tell more than anyone when you're nervous. Voice is my first indictor I would bet.
I wish I had auditions all day every day so that I didn't have time to get nervous about them.. that they were just so common-place that none really mattered.

I only made a quick stop in at the office between appointments. I just did some yoga on my own and a few machines.. I wish the studio had been free so that I could have yelled and warmed up my voice and jumped around.

There's something about doctors. Any doctor. If they even look at me I want to cry. I don't like it. It makes me uncomfortable.
You know when's a good time to go get suited up for birth control? Right when you're ending an involvement. Having to answer questions about sexual partners when you're unsure when the next time you'll get to have sex (or, specifically, have sex with someone you like) is... it's kind of silly.
I went to the Hassle-Free clinic which is located between the gaybourhood and Ryerson U. There were many many pamphlets on being trans-gendered and being addicted to crack and stuff. I felt like I was really in the "Big City". It really was hassle-free. Except that they wouldn't prescribe the pill for me on account of my migraines. Specifically my migraines that make my vision eff up. Apparently this puts me at a higher risk for stroke. Hurrah!
They seemed very sure that my best option was a new form of IUD. They pretty much had me convinced. Except for how it costs $300. If ever I have a spare $300 lying around I will get one. Again, I really need to be a kept woman.

I think I've stopped feeling things properly again. I'm kind of numbing around. I don't know what to feel about a host of things. I want someone to tell me what to think.
Niki's probably right about everyone's emotions being invalid and that feelings are all choices, etc.

I'm glad that all of those jobs I thought I'd work are pretty much falling through.. I do want to work. I do.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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