note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

.

2002.07.24 7:11 p.m.

um, hi.

was it only yesterday that i wrote on here? seems far longer. hhhmmmm.

it's fucking hot out. and in. i'm eating really warm soup. luckily it's very very good. good and lentily.

me and niki went to mcc (i bought a sweater and a slip. and a tie. and some shoes. and some zippers. and a shirt. all for $7.50.) then we made floats and watched laugh-in.

oh, good i didn't write here yesterday. that makes it all the more awkward.

at least big brother is on. except that i hate it.

why are all the jesus-lovers hot? it's probably the light of god shining within them. mmhmm.

so meredith, how was your date last night?

(i wish i had written about this earlier. anytime earlier. ) it was good. good. i think. right? okay.....fuck. well, so to speak....

i keep thinking about it like we're going to get married. not like we're seeing each other.

oh god. i didn't even say who it was with. i'm such a whore.       jeremy. from my work? i'm spoke of him before. i've flirted with him beyond all....he's 24. six years older than me. soooo much. he's cute...in this odd way. a good odd way. he got to work yesterday and told me he thought i quit because he hadn't seen me in so long. and then he asked me if i wanted to go to a movie. because all of our flirting had been 'joking', i didn't know if he was serious. but he kept bringing it. so self-confident. but what did i say? earlier? what did i say? 'i want to be persued.'   so what am i to do?

but i also said something along the lines of... 'i don't know if i want to date him. maybe just mack him.' and.....i don't know.

he was in my house less then 10 minutes when we started kissing.   this is why you don't invite boys to your house on a date. ever. don't. well, unless you're a whore. like me. (and your mom. oh someone shoot me.)

(just yesterday morning i was thinking about how i should marry a policeman and settle down. guess what jeremy wants to do?)

reasons i should marry jeremy.

-i like his name.
-he likes cats (they tried to eat his feet. probably because he was wearing socks. i hate socks.)
-he wants children. lots of them. not thirty....but some.
-he's almost done school. then comes the steady job (rcmp. or policeforce. or firefighter.)
-he is very caring.
-he told me i was beautiful (and then knew that i thought it was just a line.)
-our children would be pretty fucking cute.
-he likes me a lot (more than i like him. i'm sure.)
-he has this tendency to stare at me.

i don't know. i don't know. i don't know.
i really wish this was My Diary.

.

[i just keep thinking....i want a boy with some music. i want a boy to go to shows with me. i want to take a boy out under the stars. i want a boy with art and poetry (at least in their mind). i want a boy (as opposed to a husband. i think. i haven't the foggiest.). i want a boy who'll come and play risk with us and listen to emo music. who'll want me to make clothes for him. and be a hippie with me.]

.

i don't know. i want these both. i want a husband to settle down with. and a boy to sing to me.

.

i want to have a hippie clothing shop. and i want to be an ad executive.
this weekend i was feeling so right about my split of feelings and actions. so secure. but now. i wish i was one side or the other.

wow. this is making me so upset. how odd. how uncomfortably odd.

.

i guess this is what happens when you move so quickly. physically. ( i should feel more. ) jeremy lloyd. just like the guy from laugh-in. so, jeremy lloyd the second. i guess. dammit.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

diarylanded oldered profiled emailed
guestbooked noted surveyed surveyed2 pictured

myspaced