note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2003.08.19 9:22 p.m.

i slept for so long. i kept waking and thinking it was time to get up, realizing how ill i felt and going back to sleep. i slept from about 11:30 this morning until just after 8 tonight.

i went to work this morning feeling okay but i just got worse and worse. i was having a lot of trouble standing up. the pains were spreading into my thighs and my lower back. i felt like such an ass going home, even though i'd found someone to come in for me. we were short a dishwasher and a cook and no one would even answer their phones when we called to see if they could come in. i think it was mostly worked out by the time i'd left, we got managers to come in.

we hate having to phone people. it's such a pain. people who work at jerry's are such babies. fucking answer your phone and say you can't come in. or come in! people fucking cover for you, why shouldn't you cover for other people? i never call in sick, i mean i haven't for months, i go in and i try and find someone to come in for me. because i don't like to leave helen in a bind.

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i had so many dreams today. most of them were pretty fun. it was the beginning of summer in one and i got a job at the booster juice near a lake and spent all my time on the beach. and i dreamed about hanging out with cops and eating lots of donuts. and a musical instrument that could bring back forgotten memories.

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i was supposed to go up to the lake for the evening to see my mum with my aunts. but i was too sick to go. and i was very very sad not to. i really wanted to see my mum. maybe i'll drive up there tomorrow or thursday. but probably not. my mum called me tonight though, so i got to talk to her. but really i just want her around the house. i like to hear her in the next room and go and bother her when she's up at night writing. and i like her to be painting at the kitchen table.

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i haven't seen my friends in days. not since thursday when i had people over. i haven't even talked to anyone except jeffmorton. i'm tired of having friends that don't do the calling.

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i am so torn between wanting to move away so badly, and knowing that it will hurt so bad. i love saskatoon so much. i always always plan on coming back here. it's so much my home. i don't know how to be away from my mum and my family. but nothing works properly here. i've gotten used to patterns that are unhealthy, and i haven't felt really good about my friends in a long time (i mean, i haven't felt that all of them are right for me, or good for me). i always feel like running away. and i never do. i always say i'm going to....

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stalemate.

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stagnate.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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