note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2003.04.24 12:25 a.m.

i'm conflicted as to how i feel about the state of afairs my life is in. one part of me is obscenely comfortable. but i do know that i won't be totally contented without going and being an actor, and that this is a perfect time in my life. everyone i love is leaving and being jerks and so on and so forth.. nothing is progressing, all of my relationships have hit some sort of plateau. an irritating plateau, of un-change. i feel like i go in circles with friendship patterns and conversations even.

i'm terrified of change. therefore, i'll never leave here....and what about ethan and rachel? and the cute boys? and fraser and all the buddies? and room and my yard? and (granted) my mum and my family? and and...no. there isn't that much more.

kathy's david is in the carribean (or some other such tropical place) and he's not liking it at all. he's been there for a good three months and still doesn't really have any friends or anything to do. this terrifies me. i mean, david's big and friendly and unshy. and i'm well...not. so how would i fair?

ugh. i should stop thinking about anything. i'll settle down and start a family.

today.

i worked at jerry's for too long today. it was actually fine. i learned about how to make and serve the new ice creams and so on. though i (won't) haven't mastered the 'arctic sensations chatter'. no sir. i hate scripted anythings. fuck. oh, right, except plays and other acting gigs.

dave, alicia, janel and i went to the odeon tonight to see enver's band play. it was alright. dave's new boyfriend, matt, came, and i met him, he's pretty sweet, and dave seems to really like him. the show was alcohol-free, so we went to divas' for a bit. it was pretty good. i like the idea/feel to divas. we sat around and talked. it was nice. matt was pretty drunk though, so i'm not sure what he's really like. interesting enough, matt hasn't come out to anyone really. two of his close friends (and dave and us). that's all. in fact, dave's his first boyfriend. cute. back at the odeon me and dave had a nice conversation. we talked about matt, and being gay, and open-mindedness. and how his past boyfriend beat him up. it made us closer i guess. he's just so funny. so much like rickie all grown up.

i finally watched the episode of smallville with jtt in it. it was pretty good. he still looks so young. and he made out with both chloe and lana. he's pretty swauve. when he was flirting with them it gave me a bit of the giggles. this is because i'm still a 13 year old girl at heart. actually in appearance too. the only thing semi-advanced is my brain....and it's not that far ahead.

i had one corona and i'm still ever-so-slightly tipsy from it. it's quite enjoyable. i like to go to bed feeling like this. the room slightly spinning.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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