note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

.

2007.10.29 2:46 p.m.

I ripped my favourite pair of pants. So badly. I can't wear them anymore and I don't think they're patchable. My only pair of khakis. I'm going to need to get another pair because commercial auditions often call for khakis, weirdly enough.
My black flats are also wrecked. There's a metal piece coming out of the bottom which keeps catching on things and making me almost fall. Fun!
I want ankle boots! And black work shoes that are comfortable, warm, and sexy? Is that even possible?

I was running so late for my audition this morning that I had to take a cab which cost way too much money and I still only got there right on time, which is late really.
The TTC is frustrating. Sometimes I just need transit to run on time. I also need to learn how to be early for things.
My bike is still out of commission and I neeeeed it. But I'm unsure how to go about fixing it. I'm a baby. It's ridiculous that a bike ride is faster than a cab ride in this city. And probably double-time to the TTC.
Luckily it's cold out.

If I had an iPod I'd liking walking even better. I broke out my walkman the other day and it made a difference. Until it started eating the tape. Amazing.

My audition this morning was kind of hard because I was supposed to act all crazy. Big is hard. Funny is hard. It was still fun.
Today has just felt like one of those days.

EXCEPT that my agent called to say that I booked a public service announcement commercial. I think it's about equality and it'll be on MTV/Much. Ha, I'll become over-exposed to just that one audience.
Yay. It's still non-union, and doesn't pay great. But I'm realizing how few shifts I'm getting at ACC these days. And I need money money.

I had auditions Thursday, Friday and today. I wish I had them every day, except the days where I was shooting. That'd be so sweet though.

Thursday's dance party was good. I worked the door so I didn't dance much. Some of my friends came and I didn't really realize they'd come because of me. I was pretty tired and out of it. Funny. We just recycled the previous theme because we were too busy to make a new one.
Nathan came by and then I went with him afterwards and we got pizza and then found Shayne and got dial-a-bottle (seriously Ontario, no off-sale? really?) and hung out at Shayne's until six in the morning. Because I party all the time and that's how I roll.
I adore Nathan. He's one of my favourites for sure. We had girltalk for maybe the first time ever. I was prying into his private life and stuff. But it was nice. It seems like he's even kinder these days, more careful, more care-taking, sweet. We had a good talk about his music and made some good jokes.

I took Friday off from partying. I just slept all day really. And tried to do some work at night. But I mostly just watched TV on the internet.

Saturday I worked at Skydome and then at ACC. Double shifts are hard on me since I'm so remarkably used to never working at all. But ACC called me in and I wanted to see Third and I mostly REALLY neeeeed money (I may have mentioned). But Third wasn't even there and it wasn't very busy at all.
I have told way, way too many people that I have a crush on Third. I don't mean to. But it's boredom. And I love having crushes. But I do need to keep my damn slut mouth shut.
Mum doesn't like the word slut. JFYI.
I told people I'd tell them if they could guess. But then everyone guessed right. Dammit.

After work on Saturday I went out to Octopus with Stephanie, her BF, and Solange where SarahJane was working for Steph's birthday. It seems as though Steph and Solo are going to be players in stories, so I will give you back story. I met them on the Grand Analog video shoot. They are good friends are SarahJane's and BFFs of each other. I like both of them a lot a lot. Solo has the type of confidence I wish I had, the wild self-assurity and beauty. And Steph is classic and put-together and obviously beautiful.
After Octopus we went to Solo's house and ate left-overs from their dinner (including the best sweet potato pie I've ever ever eaten) and then I went home before I fell asleep in the arm-chair.

Yesterday I did a bit of work and cleaned up a bit. I had sushi with Devon and Naomi. I do like them both but it does get tiring talking about "the biz" and about all the stuff we should be doing. I mean, we should be doing everything. But we're not. We should be doing short films and sketches and comedy and stand-up and improv classes and theatre and putting up our own plays and entering the fringe and and and and and and
It's just frustrating after awhile.
And not too helpful to just talk and talk about it.

I wish I felt as successful as I seem.

If you had told 14-year-old me that I would have national commercials running, that I be a TV show that's airing internationally, that people would want to write roles just for me... well, I would've been in rapture, I would have been unbelievably excited, I would've fallen over I think.
I think I've lost the ability to be truly excited. Except about hilarious things.
I need to work on that.
Yes yes I'm going to work on my sense of excitement, my ability to express joy, my ability to be warm with people.

It just doesn't make any sense how sad I am today.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

diarylanded oldered profiled emailed
guestbooked noted surveyed surveyed2 pictured

myspaced