note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2006.03.02 2:23 p.m.

I have a pimple in my ear.
Clogged pores.

My mood went severely downhill after writing yesterday's entry.
Erica called because she was sick and couldn't come up to see me. And I was sad. So I went back to bed.

Normally I like being alone a lot. A whole lot. It's one of my favorite things. I like spending time with me and I like silence and things.
But yesterday I didn't. All I wanted was family. And the city seemed big and empty and I was severely lonesome.
But on the plus side I had my first good cry in months. Which was overdue.
I've become unable to admit to emotions lately. I've become unable to take my sadness and sit with it like I need to. I turn it instead, and I was feeling choked.

Luckily David called and he and Paul were also feeling sad. They both called in sad to work/school. So they offered to come over.
Which was the best idea because it prompted me to clean house. And that needed doing like I can't even explain. It's hard to do anything when I'm busy not feeling things.

I also started drinking while cleaning - and managed not to break any dishes while washing them. Hurrah!
And they came over and brought candy and wine. And was like "awww, I'm already drunk" and I felt better about my drunkness since they started drinking too.
We sat around for a long time. And David made me some couscous because it was about time for me to eat something.

They read my tiny magazine and said I was a good writer. Yeah, I'd like to be.

They were going to leave and I felt panicked so I went with them back to their house. I felt like my apartment might swallow me if I got left alone in it.
Their house was good. Watched tv and drank and played cards with Alex and Darcy. Alex and I discussed names for our children: Brie and Edam. Yep. Brie and Edam Cheesbrough-Cheesman.

I just really needed to be around people. And when I was going to leave David walked me home and I made him come in and keep me company. I have an issue asking for anything from anyone.. but David makes it easier.
So we lay around and talked and watched tv and I felt so much better.

But I feel like I feel better and David is still sad and I don't know what to do. I want to learn how to be able to take better care of people. In a tangible way.

I hate being woken up by pain. Especially at 7am.
I managed to go back to bed and over-sleep.

So I was late for rehearsal this morning. For the Niagara college film. It was our first read-through and we met in a cafe near the CN tower and the director got us free passes to go up the tower. So that was cool. I couldn't stand on the glass floor though. I couldn't make myself. I stood near it though.. and looked down.

The read-through went well. The cast is good I think. There's four of us main people and the other girl is nice, we'll be roomates in Niagara and I'm glad. She's also vegetarian so it's better for the food situation. The script isn't terribly wonderful. Lots of bad spelling which irritates me.
I think it'll be fun though. I'll be excited to see Erica while I'm over there.

I got an exciting phone call this morning. But since nothing's settled I'm not making announcements.

Okay, I have to do stuff today. I feel like I'm stagnating and suffocating a bit. In a slow ridiculous way.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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