et puis
disclaimer: this is the life and times of meredith r. mistletoe. i'm making a slight attempt to disguise my identity and hide things that i write about and pretend i don't feel things i do. but if you read this and i don't know you read it, then you read it at your own risk. and you should let me know you're reading it... especially because a lot of the time things need clarifying or aren't quite true anymore or etc etc etc.

note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.


2006.03.03 3:05 p.m.

I'm bad for the environment because i like turning all the heaters on and opening the windows. It's cold and very windy out.
Not that I've left the house lately or anything.

I keep thinking it's the weekend. Not that it matters in the slightest in my world.
Jesus I need a job.

Rehearsal yesterday was kind of funny. I feel like a fraud. I auditioned for the supporting female and got the lead. But the character is supposed to be really beautiful and it feels like kind of a joke that I have to do it. Like in the script it will say "he is distracted by her beauty". Yeah, I'd like to see them shoot that.
Oh little gremlin face.

Yesterday was kind of nice. I made David agree to come over for dinner even though he was in an awful mood and tried hard to get out of it.
So I went and bought groceries and the chocolate soy milk was on sale so I was happy.

So David came over and I made potato soup and grilled cheese. Which was really, really good. Because I'm secretly a good cook.
We sat around and watched tv and didn't make an issue of our sadnesses and didn't talk. The best thing we watched was Queer Eye. It was soooo cute, just the thing we needed. The guy they were making-over was adorable and ever so grateful.
I made smoothies for desert and they were so good. With frozen banana and pineapple, yogurt and juice. So delicious.

I want to have people over for dins more often. Because I like cooking for people. I like the conversation and comfort that cooking and eating and food induces. The care that's taken.

Last night I had a nice conversation with Nathan on msn. Just brief about his song that I love and then about his point of view. Or something. I do really like him, and I'd like to get to be proper friends with him. And get to talk to him about things.

Today has been relaxed. I set up a job interview for a job I'm sure I don't want for Monday. I like how I keep going out for jobs I have no interest in. Makes me feel productive.
I watched Life as a House, which I found surprisingly good and I was impressed with the acting in it, especially Jenna Malone. So good and pretty but definitely not beautiful.
Then I watched Sweet Home Alabama. Which I've seen before and I think it's really nice okay. Gosh. It's just sweet and everyone ends up kind of happy in the end. And it even has McDreamy before he was McDreamy.

I've been drinking a lot of smoothies and chocolate soy milk and eating yogurt and grilled cheeses. I'm thinking about doing some writing.. or anything really. But doing nothing feels oddly satisfying today.
We'll see.

I like how my life, in some respects, has become this whole process of getting ready for a family. Learning to budget, and cook, and take care of the babies (at this point my friends), and sew and even clean.
I want to be able to a good parent. No, a really good parent. At the proper time in a the right way and devote myself there. Because it's most important to me.
Along with falling in love? I don't know really. I don't know. The other day Ali said something along the lines of "well, you've still got a few years until you really have to worry about getting a man".
I couldn't believe that people still work in that way. I have my entire existance to find any number of loves. Or one great love. Or anything really.
I fear that I will become too cold to be a good mum. That I will have learned to shut off too much and not be able to give affection properly.
So I start the work to reverse it.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

diarylanded oldered profiled emailed
guestbooked noted surveyed surveyed2 pictured