note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2004.11.15 1:58 p.m.

did you know that it's above plus 10 degrees outside? what the motherfuck? how bizarre.

i'm really going to miss being able to write on here when i'm back in school. as much i mean. i'm pretty addicted.
i think i'm going to start only being friends/whatever with people who don't/won't read this so that i can write whatever i want whenever i want. all the time.

to further my 'i'm a giant baby' point, people will wonder what i mean when i say that i'm not over things and that some things are still really hard. but it's not anything thrilling or new or some deep dark secret. it's still the same old shit.

hey this parades against parades cd is really good. it feels very different than listening to them live.
i should be only listening to r.e.m. to get ready for wednesday. mmmm r.e.m. sweet sweet michael stipe.

yay hillary just called and we're excited and we're going to get coffee and slushes tomorrow. because i can't roadtrip without a slush. little known fact. i should really really get film for my camera. except that i don't have a flash..so i can't take concert pictures. well, it seems like hillary's parents will.
me and hillary's dad are going to dancedancerevolution.

i slept far longer than i should have. i didn't get up until quite recently. that's fucking lame. i thought i'd wake up of mine own accord. but apparantly not. i was having dreams that we were really going to a winnie the pooh festival, not r.e.m., and i was highly upset.

i'll be away on tuesday and wednesday. just so's you know. and thursday i'll be mostly sleeping i'd wager.
oh how does this time go so fast we don't have time to look at one another?

i want to go to art school. wow why do i want to do everything. i've stopped doing any art at all. or crafts really (unless they're christmas oriented). or writing. i never write anymore...well, sometimes songs to sing to myself at night. and this bloody time-consuming, energy-wasting shit. short stories are my favorite things (for reading and for writing). and maybe bad poetry. and i haven't taken any pictures since being home. what the hell? i miss painting and sculpting and drawing. when i had boring classes this year i'd sketch a lot of stuff. and i put way more drawings than writings in my voice + movement journals. i even took a lot of pictures this summer..but this fall has been so unproductive. except in the spending time with people way. that's been inexplicably amazing. oh especially the awkward parts.

holy fuck i can't believe paul isn't teaching us anymore. i keep having anxiety dreams about it. i'm seriously going to work on us being bestfriends though.

i don't know what to get some of my bestfriends for christmas. i wonder if this makes me a bad bestfriend..

i just want candy and chocolate. and love.

i mostly just slept yesterday. which was silly. and then i read a bunch and computed a bunch.
i talked to john and will on the phone while they were at the sheaf office. why is there novelty in talking to people on the phone while they're in the same place and/or in new places?

i went to see parades last night at the bassment. i haven't been to the bassment in a very long time. and i haven't been to many all-ages shows lately either. it was strange. it felt quite nostalgic. in a weird way. because i write about the bassment in my tv show. in ways..i write about the kids that were there. also, i mostly hung out by myself so i got a different perspective. there's a new crop of punk kids and dancing kids and this is their home when once it was mine.

i have to admit that i missed my old groups. i even missed old meandniki when we were starting out, and alisin, and flirting with andrewkeith (mostly just that once..), and bugging mattdean, and ryanpollard humping me from behind, and jumping on melissa, and chala even when she'd come by and dance in her crazycrazy way.
i'm starting to forget it all. i wish i'd kept this diary for more time. i wish i'd kept more about all those times.

i did love dancing last night. though my ankle is still broken apparantly. good to know. how good it feels to kick and move and sway and jump and stretch and twitch and oh all of it is the hottest thing ever.

now is the time. for not avoiding things. now is the time.... yeah. that seems pretty likely.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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