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disclaimer: this is the life and times of meredith r. mistletoe. i'm making a slight attempt to disguise my identity and hide things that i write about and pretend i don't feel things i do. but if you read this and i don't know you read it, then you read it at your own risk. and you should let me know you're reading it... especially because a lot of the time things need clarifying or aren't quite true anymore or etc etc etc.

note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2002-01-30 1:58 a.m.

i've been playing html a lot today. i still have no idea what i'm doing. but it looks okay...this is a weird colour, i'm leaving it because it's humoring me.

i talked to fraser for a really long time yesterday, we've been talking a lot lately. he's having a hard time. and i'm not sure how to help really.

i feel like i'm going crazy lately. wait always.

i haven't been excited about anything, or even really happy in a while...this drains me. i don't have anything specific to look foward to. except maybe valentines day. yeah. (if there was ever the time for emoticon to render my tone of voice, it's now.....).

well last valentines' day i made a really bad descision, so maybe we could have a repeat performance this year.

i need someone to stalk....or to stalk me..........

i'm actually getting fairly frustrated and angry with myself. i need more to do (except that i feel like it's enough). i wish that i thought far far less about this specific problem. i think that it just all comes out here, where no one can respond instantaniously..................

if i were gay i'd want to find diaryland. it's so supportive and great here....how high school should be. i wish i were bi. i'd feel less narrow-minded and so on...

big conclusion of the day: books are wonderful. except when they make you feel sad because they're so wonderful....

i want to beautiful (like francesca lia block writes) i want to have a perfect boy (with sad eyes and hair that falls into his face, a voice that i can feel in the pit of my stomach and taste in my tears) and wear antique lace slips with tall boots and plain t-shirts without anything else, and sleep under the stars and the jacaranda trees......

but it's so winter here. it's so far below rational.

and i only went to wal-mart today. and there's no beauty there.

ever.

i should go and write for real...... i want to wear antique lace slips...

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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