note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2003.10.29 10:48 p.m.

i am very moody tonight. i mean easily shifting. a little too easily.

i was thinking too much, as per usual. i should cut that out.

i got a loan for $5000 today at the bank. it's just to cover me until i get a real student loan. that's a lot of money. being in debt over school's pretty scary.

i got called in to work today, but i'm pretty broke (except that $5000), so it was okay. also it was only for 3.5 hours. i spend time nagging at helen and making conversation with sandra. sandra's so weird. i think i do like her. yes, except sometimes she does werid things. and i have authority problems. big ones, that i definitely want dealt with by the time i move away. i hope.

i was bothering jamie a lot today too. that was fun. and then we ate veggie burgers with lots of mozza together. they tasted good but i immediately felt sick. of course. heath is so weird. so beyond.. sometimes we'll be joking and i'll see that i've hit something, that i've got a nerve, or that he's sad, it's strange. he's probably better than i give him credit for, but he lives with dwayne. ugh.

jamiebone and brennanhart came into work today. jamie's hair is really good. and pretty. they had big burgers. they both dated niki. i didn't think of that until just now. boys really like her. i hope she comes to jazz this week and more boys hit on us. wha-wha-whaaaa-t?

apparantly suzanne called me tonight. that's crazy. i'll call her back.

i haven't talked to travis in weeks. i need to too, i don't think we'll do the plays. i don't think i can have time. time's going so quickly, it's already been a week that i've known i'm going. insane.

i went to fraser's house for tea and ended up staying for dinner. it was really fun. i like his family so much. they're pretty hillarious. his parents were so congratulatory on my getting into school. that meant a lot. and his mum was telling me about what good marks fraser's getting and his dad was talking a lot about politics. his family gets along really well. i like that they all sit down to dinner together and get along. if anyone makes me sit down with my brother i'll punch him in the nuts. well, close enough.

i went to see dracula at bowman tonight. it was not sooo good. it wasn't terrible. just fine. i was thinking more about how i'm a big acting snob. which is ridiculous because i don't know that i can act..at all. but i am - a snob. and it can only get worse. just bad acting irritates me. even moderate acting really. i don't mind it so much when i'm working with them because then there's other good things to balance out..but as a viewer. i'm bad.

one guy was really good. the guy who played...the crazy guy. i think his name's devin. none the less, he was good. i wanted to tell him after, but it's awkward. he made very very obvious choices (especially in terms of playing someone insane) but pulled them off beautifully. and was very smooth. at home. what's he like in life? i'd like to know. maybe he wants to be in my tv show.

i was very very happy to see ryan pollard and mehta. i just love them. ryan is like the ultimate emo kid. you could do a magazine article about him. but he looks beautiful. mehta was doing funny things in the play with his eyes and i couldn't stop laughing. mattdean and dierdre (sp?) and charlotte were all there too. and i liked it. it's crazy that me and mattdean were even friends at one point, it seems like forever ago. and that they both have such..girlfriends. serious.

i was thinking about it, all my ex-boyfriends (that i'm still friends with) and all my close boy friends are in relationships. this could account for how lonely i am feeling lately. what's wrong with me that i can't hold a relationship. or even be a civil person really? i haven't had any longterm sane relationships. i don't even know how. i'm starting to feel old. and wrong. like i've missed the boat. i mean, look at everyone...it does seem that way.

why aren't i sleeping. i keep staying up far too long and being painfully tired. they say you never catch up on sleep you've missed.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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