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disclaimer: this is the life and times of meredith r. mistletoe. i'm making a slight attempt to disguise my identity and hide things that i write about and pretend i don't feel things i do. but if you read this and i don't know you read it, then you read it at your own risk. and you should let me know you're reading it... especially because a lot of the time things need clarifying or aren't quite true anymore or etc etc etc.

note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.


2007.05.19 1:44 p.m.

Diaryland is dead, hey? And it's irritating. I'm fine with it being a diary graveyard if it were a functioning diary graveyard.
I'm think of moving my weblog somewhere else. Except that I've had diaryland since 2k1 and that's awhile. And I love how deliciously dorky it is to have a diaryland. I mean, just telling people about it is fun.

I'm hung-over. Again! I'm very smart. You know though, I only packed what I thought would be enough alcohol to get comfortably drunk.. turns out I over-estimated my ability to hold liquor.

Chala and I have this sort of delusion these days that LOVE is the most important thing. EVER.
Maybe it's the lack of it my life that makes me feel that way. And mostly the lack of family here. And also the way that society sets us up to believe that. That without a relationship and your one true love then your life is pointless.
Which is ridiculous.
And then one forgets to live life and waiting for/making/working on love turns into one's life.

I think that maybe I'm forgetting why I live in this city at all.
I'm not working the way I should be. I'm being one hundred percent ridiculous and not getting things done. I'm resisting and back-tracking and sleeping way too much. I'm depressing myself and wallowing in melancholy. Using relationship woes (that I'm almost creating even) to excuse poor behaviour and a lack of discipline.

There's no point to me living in this city if I continue acting like this. For a Capricorn, I am desperately lacking in ambition.
I'm blocking my own path and I can see that and it makes me question if I even want to be on this path.

Do I want want want want want want to be an actor? Is that still my dream or have I just been dreaming that so long that I can't stop?
I mean those actually as questions. I think I need to re-evaluate.

Maybe my dream is actually a brunch place in Saskatoon, a house full of babies and a babe-husband.
I think that both of these life-plans are ridiculously appealing.
But how reconcile the two.
It's always been my issue that I spread myself too thin. I can't stick with one thing long enough to get any good at it.

The thing is that I am a good actor. I am pretty funny. I am a good writer (and I keep getting better - which is the best part). I'm talented but it doesn't make a lick of difference until I start doing something about it. I feel like I'm the kind of kid whose success is going to come from making my own projects. I can't wait for someone to figure out how to showcase me best when I already know how to do that. The basics at least.

I am fully aware that I sound like an annoying motivational speaker right now. But that's kind of the point. Someone needs to get to motivating of me.

Yesterday I bought four shirts from a store in Kensington. I like them all very much. One says "Take me to the mistletoe". Normally I do not like my shirts to say anything really. This is a distinct exception. Along with my "merry merry merry" shirt.
Fucking Christmas is so Fucking hot.

Last night was fun. The parts I remember. I wore a turquoise shirt and a pink sweater and I drank a pink drink out of turquoise bottle. Alex was there looking gorgeous as usual. Niki came drunk. And Andrew was very funny. I saw Nick and Morganwaters and Owen. I like those boys a lot. I barely spoke to Paul or David. I roasted marshmallows. I told a strange man to get into the fridge. He didn't.
I think I came home last night and went on the internet. I wonder if I did anything I shouldn't have.. I also think I ate a giant bowl of cereal.. except I really don't know if I did. Sometimes I like to look for evidence of what I was doing while drunk the night before.

I like house parties a lot. More than bars probably.

Whoa, you know those Pizza Pop commercials where the Pizza Pop explodes all over the camera and stuff? Well that was totally just me. Except instead of a Pizza Pop it was a cherry tomato. Awesome.

I have to go eat brie and sourdough and cherry tomatoes. Oh god yes.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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