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disclaimer: this is the life and times of meredith r. mistletoe. i'm making a slight attempt to disguise my identity and hide things that i write about and pretend i don't feel things i do. but if you read this and i don't know you read it, then you read it at your own risk. and you should let me know you're reading it... especially because a lot of the time things need clarifying or aren't quite true anymore or etc etc etc.

note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2002.10.23 10:39 a.m.

i just want to sleep and sleep and sleep.

i had this dream last night that alvin came to visit. and i ran downstairs and told my mum to say that i wasn't home. and she came down and said that alvin was playing trains in the living room with my brother. and that alisin was at the door. or rather wandering through the yard. so i went upstairs and ignored alvin, and went outside. she lookes so beautiful. had her hair up, and was laughing (like some stupid historical fiction novel). and we just started talking. the most awkward 'normal' conversation. we tried to walk away from alvin but he was trying to walk with us and put his arms around me. and i wished that she'd been there more at ness creek when i thought i was going to kill him. i felt so sad all of sudden. i went inside and i tried to stab myself in the leg with a pen. i just kept stabbing and stabbing. i couldn't really get it to go through the layers of clothing. i couldn't get it to hurt. but i lifted up my skirt and blood was running in streams down my legs. so i lay down.

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winter's going to come.
i'm going to clean these veins again.
so close to dying that i finally can start living.

well i shouldnt' be allowed to listen to bright eyes. but that's all i do.

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i haven't forgotten. i just don't know what to do about it.

. i don't know what to do about anything....really.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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