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disclaimer: this is the life and times of meredith r. mistletoe. i'm making a slight attempt to disguise my identity and hide things that i write about and pretend i don't feel things i do. but if you read this and i don't know you read it, then you read it at your own risk. and you should let me know you're reading it... especially because a lot of the time things need clarifying or aren't quite true anymore or etc etc etc.

note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2002.08.03 11:59 p.m.

at the fringe people have this tendency to wander away unnoticed. it is saddening when you turn around and people have gone.

i've been sick all day. i think i have cancer. if i suddenly stop updating it will be because i have died or am in hospital. just so's you know. no very sick. well, at least this should make me loose weight! fuck yeah! (if you don't understand that that was sarcasm then you...gah...you frustrate me. because wanting to be thin is.....o god. i dont' even know.....)

i am becoming more self-righteous by the minute. yes, really. luckily i am fairly right fairly often.     i am also starting to dislike more people and to find things that people do more openly annoying. and i don't care.   i am actually in an oddest of moods right now.

i was talking to kurt wotherspoon tonight and we were breifly talking about jeffmorton (a boy i 'dated') and he made a couple of (half-joking?) references to how i was feeling bad about my lack of relationship with jeffmorton, or about jeffmorton's relationship with jen, his new girlfriend. it was very odd, mostly because it upset me more than it should have. and this would lead outsiders and my brain to believe that i am jealous of jen. butttt....i've thought about this a lot, and i am jealous of her getting to spend time with him. but in the way that we used to be the closest of friends and now i barely get to see him. ever. and i am hugely saddened that i've lost a close friend. but i'm not attracted to him. if i had been more, than we might have stayed together, our relationship really was more like best friends then like lovers.....

but the bad part was that i wished i was with a perfect boy so that i could be like 'see? see? i can be happy too.' but i am happy due partially to the fact that i've realized that i don't need a boy.
sometimes i hate myself. and we fight. gah.

it was a sweet and simple evening though. nice like, with harsh cold. frost warning tonight. i should cover up my mums plants, but i wouldn't know where to begin.

tomorrow will be nice too, i hope

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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