et puis
disclaimer: this is the life and times of meredith r. mistletoe. i'm making a slight attempt to disguise my identity and hide things that i write about and pretend i don't feel things i do. but if you read this and i don't know you read it, then you read it at your own risk. and you should let me know you're reading it... especially because a lot of the time things need clarifying or aren't quite true anymore or etc etc etc.

note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.


2005.10.28 2:58 p.m.

dear internet, quit saying you're working when you're really not.
what the eff? don't ever sign up with bell for internet service. ever.

oh my god why is pesto so good? and you can put it on everything!!

that agency i was meeting with doesn't want me. i'm not really surprised. and also i'm taking it better than i expected.
the thing about people who are overly-encouraging is that they are frequently wrong.
'oh i'm sure they want you, it's just taking awhile'. nope.
he said everyone really liked me but it's just too slow right now to expand their roster. which is so understandable.
so now i'm in a weird situation. on one hand...i want to have an agent set up here to have plans and reasons to come back and all of that. and also getting an agent right after school is the best plan. but it's so slow right now it's nearly impossible.
so do i wait for a good agent? or sign up with a crappy one?
it's like brian krakow said 'do i want the wallpaper that i can afford? or do i wait for the really nice wallpaper to go on sale?'.
he was talking about girls.

okay. i'm bad at saying no.
and why is email address the new phone number? giving out email addresses is so pointless. nothing will be accomplished by e-chat.
i guess it's easier. coward's way out.
so now i have a buddylist full of awkward. what am i going to do?
well, hopefully they google search me, find this, get the hint, etc.

a conversation between carla and i the other day made me really sad. i was talking about the funny boys that hit on me and she was saying 'make them take you out. don't just let them come over. make them treat you like a queen. you deserve it.' and also 'don't sleep with them. once you sleep with them - there's nothing else.'
but it wasn't about me. (well, it obviously was but also).. and it struck me as incredible that carla, who seems to be the most secure, confident, sexy girl, would be treated poorly.

but it's true. there's less effort put into involvements these days. there's pressure to be in just-sex relationships and no one goes out anymore. it's weird if you don't have sex right away and it's weird if you expect anything from anyone.
that's bullshit i think.
obviously it depends on what you need - but there's just no more care-taking.
why are we all abandonning each other?
i know that i am not one to talk but...

i saw joe today (the guy i'm stalking. not well if i have to update you on his name every time). he had on this hot black coat with red satin under the collar and it was turned up so he looked kind of like dracula. hot dracula.
i ignored his girlfriend.
i got mini-butterflies. but not real ones. what i would give to be excited and attracted and interested and all of that with a boy again. even one i didn't know. maybe especially one i didn't know.
there's no one that even makes my heart speed up.
well - there's probably a couple but they're far away so i can make shit up about them.

the water crisis in kashechewan is really bothering me. i mean, obviously. but why this? i was seriously bawling while watching the news. it was very pretentious given that i do nothing. for anyone.
i think it's just the complete lack of caring. if this was anywhere else besides a reserve it would be a whole whole different story.

today i went to orientation at my new job. i like sitting in a boardroom filling out forms. it seems like it should be really fine. i'll let you know how it turns out.
i've always kind of wanted to be a hot secretary. you know, 9 to 5 style. so i think i'll just start dressing real sexy-like and pretending for myself. i mean, i'll get a phone and a computer. what else do secretaries need?

tonight sweet thing show. it's funny how when i don't really want to go to shows i can always find people to come. priscilla and melissa are coming. they can meet and be-friend. they're both exceedingly good at meeting people so i foresee it being fine.
i might dress up. if my
mood improves.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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