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disclaimer: this is the life and times of meredith r. mistletoe. i'm making a slight attempt to disguise my identity and hide things that i write about and pretend i don't feel things i do. but if you read this and i don't know you read it, then you read it at your own risk. and you should let me know you're reading it... especially because a lot of the time things need clarifying or aren't quite true anymore or etc etc etc.

note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.


2005.02.15 11:14 a.m.

i want to write a book of short stories. not because i'm any good at short stories, but because i really like them. a whole lot.

christina was talking yesterday about a prof she had when she was in school who said, if you're an actor, then be an actor.
meaning that you should focus on only that. this doesn't seem like even a possibility to me.

made the mistake of telling chala that i wasn't sure that acting was the biggest dream for me anymore. tried to explain that after ten years it felt there was probably other dreams to have. she used this opportunity to tell me how focussed she was on it. and how everything else just makes her more set on it. and how there was nothing else for her.
it's hard to explain why this irritated me. maybe because it was always my thing first. always has been.
and because it felt like she was trying to say she was better than me for sticking to it.
and i already feel strange and guilty for not being sure that this is what i want anymore.

there's just so much.

katrina brought up my tv show the other day. as in, we should get on that. and she's right. we're all drowning in apathy this year. no one is creating work, no one is creating in general. we're all just trying to get through. with as little effort as possible.
for thousands of dollars that's ridiculous.

but yeah, i need to get that shit written and decide some locations and gather some angsty kids and funny costumes and get that shit going.
why not..

it's my brother's birthday today. he's outgrown me you know. not that that's hard by any means. i'm going to make him a care package for his birthday to influence him to be cooler. like i'm the authority on that or something.

i hear my mum will have some work at the mendel. that's amazing, really, if it's true - i haven't heard from the cow, er, horse's mouth.. but i think it's because of the her-icane arts festival?

i'm trying not to dance in the middle of the computer lab. i made nathanael a hot hot mixtape. i love making first mixtapes for people. that's the best of the best.

i'd be better about being apart from people if i could guarantee them coming back into my life.
i'm worried about losing people forever. people who seem like they might mean something.

chala and i went to see her friend's weird hiphop show. his band turned out to be eerily similar to the plan (but actually..worse..) and he like constantine (but hot. very very hot. in a hot model kind of a way). it was strange and fun. we danced a bit. and i had one drink on an empty stomach and felt sloshed.

i kept forgetting it was valentines day and wanting to call/email people and then thinking it would be weird because of it being loveday and all.

i'm getting used to the giant breaks we have..and i'm almost getting to like them.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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