note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

.

2002-01-15 2:48 p.m.

i don't know what is so wrong. but something is. ------------ i feel like something's wrecked inside. or like i've bottled something up. which is unlike me. usually i just get all of it out.

maybe i don't know myself as well as i'm convinced.

everything with my friends feels wrecked right now. i dont' know how to communicate. i'm losing my ability to act rationally in public. i'm so manic around people. like i have to absorb them before they go away or i have to polute them will all of my insides while i can, so that they'll think about me, and remember that i'm cute or that i'm funny, or that i have strange hair or just anything.

and maybe i wish i had been ruining his life, because then i would have meant something to someone. something huge.

i guess i just want to mean something. and this is why diaryland is getting bad, i now need to mean something here too. if no one calls, then at least i'll have new messages, or new notes, or someone will have signed my guestbook. at least someone will have thought about me.

but it's not like it's enough. ----------------------------

something's wrong.

it isn't like me to be this insecure. or needy. i just want to be cuddled and comforted and reassured.

i want to be shot in the head.

i hate me for sounding like this. i haven't been this honest for a long time. need

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

diarylanded oldered profiled emailed
guestbooked noted surveyed surveyed2 pictured

myspaced