et puis
disclaimer: this is the life and times of meredith r. mistletoe. i'm making a slight attempt to disguise my identity and hide things that i write about and pretend i don't feel things i do. but if you read this and i don't know you read it, then you read it at your own risk. and you should let me know you're reading it... especially because a lot of the time things need clarifying or aren't quite true anymore or etc etc etc.

note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.


2005.11.16 10:30 a.m.

ow i don't like not winning.
losing is kind of okay, i mean it's better because it's all angsty and shit. but just not winning.
that's the worst.

it feels very familiar too.
i felt like jm should show up and say 'you made them feel bad for not wanting you'.

i thought i had less invested that i did maybe.
no, maybe i just can't deal with not-winning so i'll convince myself of anything to make it mean more or mean something.

and i get pretty manipulative. i'd say/do anything to win.
i just hate when it fades off and there's no big scene or ending. it doesn't mean anything. it's just not-winning.
but there's no proof of losing either.

it's probably for the best that i don't play competitive sports.
actually, i hate competing ever really.

i'm making pasta which is good on account i am ridiculously hungry. why is that?

chala came over to show me her vocal masque. i gave some constructive criticism. i'd still like to do a vocal masque too. fuck.

the show was pretty fun last night. katrina and naomi ended up coming with me. i'm not sure that they liked it at all, which was kind of funny. and then they left about 2 songs into the mark's set. also funny. what babies.
it was not really their scene.

i also went to mcdonald's with them for a bit. that was strange. i haven't been to mcdonald's in years. no, but for real.
and i ate a couple of cookies. then i felt weird.

the boys weren't around much. i didn't spend much time with any of them.
chris was spending time with another girl. she had a cool outfit. i was jealous. because that's what i'm about.
well, more awkward.
i felt like he owed me something. even though he clearly, clearly doesn't.
and mostly i wanted to pull a meredithgrey('s anatomy) 'pick me. choose me. love me.'

meredithgrey should learn that if you show up in people's beds often enough they have to makeout with you.

it's just dumb because i wanted to be entertained until i leave. which is actually less than two weeks (!!!!). and i'm a baby. and now i probably won't see them until i come back.

i've booked my flight and i'll be home the afternoon of the 29th. so we can then party party all the time.
you'd best let me know when you'd like to see me.

hopefully i'll settle down and get a farm and some babies when i get home.

ew i ate too much pasta.

what is with the gilmore girls making me cry?
no, but for reals.
rory and lorelei (sp?) finally reunited! and then i missed my mum. especially when rory was all 'i love you mom' and lorelei was all 'you have no idea kid'.
yeah. sounds familiar.

there's a sweet thing show tomorrow but i don't know if i can go. it might be too much effort.

i'd like to go to sleep and wake up capable of falling in love. real love though, not the stupid winning/losing kind.

okay, i have to go watch house now.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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