note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2004.01.04 4:13 a.m.

please don't take a picture it's been a bad day
please. it's been a bad day...please don't take a picture.

i got my black and white series developed. and they're beautiful. oh so unhealthily perfect. i love them. i took almost a whole roll of pictures with just me and another person in the frame. it's awesome. the most beautiful ones are of fraser, jeffpederson, ellen, steve, and ryan pollard. actually, they're all really good. the one of const and i is funny. we look so alike, and so true. they're all so good at representing what it's like...hard to explain.

i'm glad i got doubles to give to people. so perfect.

maybe i should get another roll.

i look so little in all of them. so tiny and round-faced. cuter than i would have thought as well. i'm generally surprised at how i look, i never give it much thought in everyday life. also hard to explain.

there's some pretty pictures of boys kissing too. the best being seb and shaun, who actually look fairly in love and pretty. also shaun trying to kiss brook is good. jeffpederson kissing jono is good in it's own right.

went for lunch with courtney today. to boston pizza. i really like courtney. she's fairly ridiculous, and sometimes too much..but generally, entertaining and funny. i like her speech patterns sometimes too. i really pick them up. i remember a couple of summers ago we used to sit on her roof spying on the neighbors and talking like bjork and eating anything but vegetables.

memories are amazing. i love stories.

i kind of wonder if people aren't disappointed i haven't left yet. all this build up. i really should have. i can't build up again. mum's bored of the whole thing. i keep saying 'i'll never see you again' to people, and then seeing them the next day.

there's no point in wishing i was gone already. they're only a point to making these last days terribly entertaining.

they say that almost-teen is an awkward age. but being able to see yourself in a relationship with a high-school student, or with a high-school teacher. that's an awkward age.

had a funny screaming/yelling/laughing conversation with nikill today. good thing she likes me, otherwise she'd have killed me by now. i'm a terrible secret keeper...because i don't have secrets. and i'm a huge talker-outer, even about other people's things. i want to talk about everything with everyone at all times. it will maybe be better in a bigger city, where everyone isn't connected at all times. i plan to make more of an effort though, to pay attention to what i'm saying, and who to, etc. i promise nothing.

she came over to make sundaes. they were fancily-delicious. we danced around with bum-shaking to 'jann pehechann ho' and 'stick shifts and safety belts'. she helped me almost start packing. i need a new plan of attack. we did look at a lot of pictures though..so .. good.

went to denny's with mags, carlan, steph, jonny, and ryan. ate greasy greasy food. i kissed maggie. also tried to eat her nose. got dry-humped by ryan. made awkward burke jokes to carlos. hahacarlan. we went to 'the clubhouse' afterwards. jonny and jamie's apartment, to see jamie and nicole. sat around in giant cuddles. (still felt slightly lonely.) felt up ryan, carlan, and especially maggie. also ate her face some more. and kissed ryan. double hot.

maggi and i had good bathtub talk. when i go we'll have to sit in our seperate bathtubs and talk over phones i guess. bathtubs are so condusive to understanding.......? being young is hard. i guess being any age is really. sometimes i forget..this is our youth. this is it.

this life is so amazing.

despite plenty of effort to the contrary, today was a little hard. i feel sad and irritable, and i wish i could stop thinking about things. the more you can't have something the more desirable it(he) becomes. i should stop talking about it as well, though i don't believe in over-analyzation, i am getting to myself.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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