note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2005.01.04 9:02 a.m.

ew who has time for sleeping when there's so much to do in this world?
and by that i mean i have to go to sleep soon. at least for a couple of hours. phone me later to wake me up.

i feel ridiculously better than i've felt in days. i feel a lot calmer. maybe i've sorted some things, maybe it's that if i got any more reassurance i'd smother.

you should come to my un-surprise going away party. i might even be happy to see you...if i can muster up some emotions.
it's on wednesday night at john's house. email/call..yah, you know the drills.

yesterday (but except it's still going on..) was a nice day. wow and so hard to recall as i haven't slept yet. damnation.

i went to b.j. and visited hillary and she gave me prezzies (smoothie) and we chatted for a bit.

then i went to fraser's and hung out with him for some hours. and......i can't even explain.
there's something about being with him the calms me down, that settles something inside of me..in the end at least. i mean, at the beginning i was being a little cracked.
we sat in his bed for awhile..which is the first time i've spent any amount of time in his room. i coloured and he looked through things. i hope he starts writing again. for serious. i like his family a lot too. good people for sure. i really like eating with people's families. it was something i missed in toronto - people's parents.

it seems relevant at this point that i appreciate it when people point out my flaws and painful bits. i mean..in constructive ways. but for serious. that's what i valued most in paul, his unwillingness to take all my crap. his honesty with me.
and has also been productive for me in the past couple of days. i don't want to be one of those people that people pussyfoot around and indulge.

as much as i'd like to be coddled and petted...it's possibly the worst thing for me.

then i came home and talked to john + niki + alisin on the phone. i hope to see niki soon...seems appropriate. and i'm sure i'll see john...especially at his house. alisin was interesting to talk to, as always, and seems to be doing well. i'll talk to her more when i'm back in toronto. maybe we'll be the kind of people who keep in touch there..we'll see.

carlan and i went to the living room for scones and tea. i hadn't done that in awhile and it was quite quite nice. we saw shaunmason and willrobbins there (doing a sheaf interview) and jessalyn and ellen + co. what an effing small town. serious...we had a hard time finding a place to sit not near people who would be distracting.
it's neat though...i'm going to miss broadway.

we went to the bananahouse after. there were bananas there. visited with jamie, jonny (sp?), and angee and banana. and ate some bananas. they were playing a videobananagame connected to the interbanana that they played with other bananas..i don't know what i think about all of this technology. though i'm considering buying an old nintendo. i believe that would be hot shit. especially if it had a game with the small cloud that comes to get me when i get lost. because i always get lost. i do love that little cloud.
oh, shit, how do i ask for that one at the videogame store?
i like all of those bananahouse kids. i was sad for the lack of steph and maggi..but that's the way the banana. or something.

i came home and got my so-called life and went to willrobbins house. if anyone is happy to see you at two a.m., it's willrobbins.. and now since i'm leaving who's going to bother him all the time?
he made grilled cheese and was very poor at it. very. although he seemed satisfied with it's sucking.
we watched the first two episodes if mscl. he did not love it. i was not surprised. i loved it too much and wanted to giggle to myself the whole time.

will's stealing one of my ideas for a sheaf article apparantly. when it gets published you must write in, all indignant, and accuse him of being a plagerist..and a liar. just for fun.
i still might use that kind of in my stand-up comedy. just so's you know.

i made will stay up for too many hours (no, seriously) but since it was the last time we'd really hang out, probably ever, you know.. it was very fun. i never expected to get along with him or like him this much. but it's been decided, he's a good egg. and i like our completely opposing theories on things..and i like thinking about all of that, and sorting things, and i like how things have turned out between us.

i'm getting too ridiculous. i've had a headache since 10 p.m.
this is very hard. this is very hard. i can only see it getting worse.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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