note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2003.02.18 3:05 a.m.

sometimes i get home and i just want to write so hard. and then it's just so hard. to put it all together. to make it coherent.

so after i spoke to you last, jeffmorton called. and we went to alexander's (which i quite enjoy) so that he could get some food. we quite nicely managed to avoid talking about anything really, but that's fine as i wasn't in the mood. we had an okay time. nothing truely exciting, i told a bunch of anecdotes that i've already told him a million times. we went to my house and picked up the spider writers(tm) that i got him for a little christmas present, and my (gross) tv pilot for him to read. and then i took him home. oh, and before that i met his roommate robin, who seemed really nice, oddly so, and was flu-ish, and reminded me of niki. i did a lot of niki-missing today. more about that later.

then i came home.

amanda, the daytime busser at jerry's, also the girl that's helping me become a cheerleader, was having her birthday party tonight, so i called her. i was supposed to go to ryly's (ick) at 9:30. but i didn't get around to leaving. alisha (previously know (to me and alisin) as not-fat, or something of that nature), called to see if i wanted to go with her and dave (my kitchen manager that reminds me of ricky from mscl.), so they came to pick me up. wow, ryly's seems like someplace i'd go. (side note: ryly's is a 'grill' although i didn't see anyone eating, that is a big dumb jock bar. with lots and lots of flashing lights and bad bad music.: end side note.) but we got there and amanda and co weren't there yet. i thought i spotted a somewhat cute boy, but then he talked to the grossest girl there. and i had a gin and tonic with lime (mmm). amanda and co got there and a bunch of people from work came. it was pretty fun. ryly's=fun? who knew? actually, it wasn't awesome parts of the time. the people there were horribly gross, the dancing was gross, the grossest girl there was wearing this thong that was way way visible over her pants, and -get this- it had a giant bead thing pendant on the back, the sides were pulled up over her hips, while her pants were sitting way too far down. she kept gyrating, and stripper-dancing, and crawling 'seductively' on the tables. holy god. i guess it was kind of funny. i mostly hung out with dave and alisha, which was nice because i don't know either of them very well.

which brings me to dave. i've talked about him here a lot. this is because he's great. also because he reminds me a lot of ricky from my so-called life. he's been kitchen manager at jerry's for almost as long as i've been there. i've know that he was gay for probably as long as i've known him. it's just always been really clear to me. but he's never once said anything. so tonight we're hanging out and all, and he's just making comments that are clearly implying that he likes boys, but once in awhile putting something in to throw me off. at one point he sighed and said 'i'm horny' and i said 'wow, there's really nothing that i really do to help.' this one boy that was hitting on amanda, he was making comments about, and on our way out the door, he stopped to talk to him, and it turns out they both knew who each other were (dave's had his eye on him for awhile..). we get outside, and dave says 'holy, i've been trying to pick up that guy for a month', and talks about it for a bit. and when we're in the car a bit later, and he says 'i just came out to you.' and just laugh and laugh. not, viciously of course, just because he's so funny and sweet. and he's like 'you knew. of, course you knew...' it was really great.

as it turns out, he's a drag queen from time to time. and knows tennille, my cousin's friend. he works at divas at nights, as a bartender, or a busser, or as 'carmen'. how cool. holy. i just love him up.     actually, one time jeffmorton was playing this show, and i got an email about it, and it listed dave ... (drag queen), and i asked dave about it....but it front of people that i shouldn't have. so he said that it wasn't him. and me and alyssa went to that show (albeit, breifly), and i didn't see him. i think i might have mentioned the time that dave came in to work with a really bad black eye and he told me he'd been in a fight. as it turns out, his boyfriend at the time beat him up because he didn't want him to do that show. i hate boys. holy god.

i'm really glad that we're closer now. it just made me feel really good in general. to be let in on someone's life. to be trusted enough.

earlier in the night, he said 'i'm really glad you're so smart.' and it meant something more than that, it meant, i'm knowing you, i'm respecting you, i'm starting to trust you.

but it's almost four, and i need to sleep.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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