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disclaimer: this is the life and times of meredith r. mistletoe. i'm making a slight attempt to disguise my identity and hide things that i write about and pretend i don't feel things i do. but if you read this and i don't know you read it, then you read it at your own risk. and you should let me know you're reading it... especially because a lot of the time things need clarifying or aren't quite true anymore or etc etc etc.

note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.


2005.12.02 1:05 p.m.

i don't feel very christmassy anymore. i'm sure that'll kick back in soon. right???

i keep sleeping a lot. i feel stressed but i don't have anything to do. that's dumb. emotionally tired i guess. i'm in culture shock a bit.
the room i'm in is dark and there's nothing to wake me. it's pretty delightful since my apartment is always lit first thing at dawn.

i read most of yesterday. it's been awhile since i read for most of a day, what a good idea!
i'm reading the prize winner of definance, ohio. it's alright. i'd like to win contests i guess.

had grilled cheese platters with constantine yesterday. i do like him very much. i felt like i needed to be kind of careful with him and i'm not sure why, he seemed sadder than i've seen him in awhile, which in constantinian degrees is still fairly loud and fun. i also couldn't stop trying to analyze why i wasn't feeling attracted to him. and why not, and when that had stopped and where lines are and how to get across them.

i am not good at not having crushes. well, mostly one or two at a time. but it keeps life interesting.
more and more i think that we just decide what to think/want/desire and go with it. i mean, there are obviously factors that contribute. but i think i am mostly in charge of deciding what i want.

melissa and i had a neat conversation awhile ago where we kind of put it as -'i like you. but i'm smart enough not to want you, so be good and deserve it'.
niki's laughing right NOW.
my other personal favorite on a related subject was 'you can take away the main course, but i'll still eat'.

but g.c.plats were fun. it was good to see helen and jamie. i think i'm going to go have breakfast with helen. she's pretty cool. and i should see jamie, obviously.

why is the o.c. such an awful, awful show?

i decided, after much hesitation, to go to see theladiesand gentlemen / wintersleep / sylvie at amigos last night. first i hummed and hawed at the fact that i don't have any friends and i hate everyone and i feel like i'm in grade 10 again. but then i got dressed and went.

it was, as predicted, fun to walk up in between steve and thom smoking outside and say 'hey steve'. it was a pretty good double take and then a big hug from steve and overdone highfive from thom. and they were like 'you don't live here anymore'.

then i found ryanpollard and things were much better. uh huh.
also charlotte was there. and she's really nice. there's something about her face that i find really familiar and reassuring. that's strange.

i really knew so, so few people there. it was highly disorienting. i kept expecting to recognize people. but i didn't really. i saw lysh but i'm still intimidated by her. and some people i know everso vaguely.
mostly it was ryan and charlotte who saved the day.

i think it's funny when people hate me. also when i hate people, but moreso vice versa. i went to say good-bye to steve while he was talking to that jess girl (who i had completely forgotten about) and yeah, i think she hates me. a lot.

but steve says that anotherbluedoor will be back on track soon. and they'll have new recordings and everything. and i said my aunt would be excited.

the music was really quite good. i wish i wasn't so tired. i danced a bit still, but it was not the revolution i know it could have been.
two bands with tambourines and clap-alongs can never, ever go wrong. (well, possibly.)

i start work tomorrow. party all the time. one more day of nothing to do. and i actually have nothing to do. so you can call me if you want to. i'm going to go finish reading.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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