note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2004.12.30 8:07 p.m.

wow. my tiny entry from this morning sounds quite cheery. what bullshit. who's happy? no one i'd hope.

ahh god i was in so much pain and bad mood today. worst last day ever. oh, except my birthday. that also sucked at my nut.

oh fuck do i ever not want to go out tonight. yes that's good. oh no, but i do want to see people though. (actually not really.)
i bet i will see no one who will cuddle me. i really just want to be cuddled. eff everything else. if you want to come by and cuddle me, just let me know.

lately i feel like i need to be taken care of. to be coddled and petted (shut up.) and i feel at some moments like i can't move out of jealousy or upcoming-loss.
trying to describe any/all of these ridiculous 'feelings' to the internet is the most wank thing ever.

me to k.o. today at work: "do you ever just want to make out with a lot of people in a short period of time?"
k.o.: "define a short period of time."
me: "like an hour... no, maybe a week."
k.o.: "well, i think i'd be just as happy making out a lot with one person."
me: "if it was the right person..?"
k.o.: "well, yeah, i don't want someone stinky!"

i was sick yesterday. i spent most of the day in bed. mmmm bed. that's what i'm about.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. my goodness i can change moods quickly. tell me, can you change moods like i can?

i'm in the worst mood. and everything irritates me.

i booked my flight today. i leave at noon on the 6th. so if you want to see me, you'd better get on it. (me.)

i still don't know what i'm doing for new years. it seems like all my almost groups of friends will be going to friends' houses that i don't really know. and it also seems like after last new years i don't even want to leave the house.

i had a dream about alvin again last night. i do wonder why ... but it was overly-realistic and slightly upsetting...but mostly just because it made me sad. i don't even remember him you know.

i wonder when i'll start to forget yous.

i miss you. i miss you. i miss you sleeping on your knee i miss you when you're short with me i miss you on the phone i miss you sitting next to you i miss you making plans i miss you passing making eye contact i miss you i miss you unless i am involved with only you you that exact instant. and maybe that's why i want to cuddle + kiss everyone. to make the lonliess fade a bit.
i am crazy because i do want everyone to love me best of all.
my true loves live here and i don't know what i'm going to do without them.

i have more loved ones than i ever have + feel better about things that ever before. and yet. and then? et puis?

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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