note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2003.02.04 9:48 p.m.

happy belated birthday nicole..you give good chips. and cookies....(?) and balloons. also, very hot.

very very hot.

i spent the evening watching bad tv and reading vogue. ah, the life. i have developed a new love for vogue. i just love fashion. beyond so many things. but the real question is - why in hell would fur make a comeback? of all the....

speaking of which, i think my doctor thinks my body is distroying itself from lack of meat. i'm been a vegetarian for about six years now. and only now does she thinks it's worthwhile mentioning that i need a b12 supplement. and you know why? because doctors think that being a vegetarian is just a passing phaze. just like everyone else...and maybe it is. i am constantly meeting adults who 'used to be vegetarian'. at some point i will probably fit into the catagory. especially because a lot of women seem to start eating meat again when they are pregnant. and i do plan on being pregnant. but right now i can't fathom eating meat again...in some ways i wish i could, it would make my life a lot easier. the amount of shit that i've had to put up with about it. society has this theory that vegetarians are going to be in their faces and all high-and-mighty about their great morals. but the truth as i've seen it is it's quite the opposite. i expected it from people who didn't know me (grade 8 grad was interesting)...and some aquaintances. but not from people who were close to me.
my mum has been so supportive. beyond supportive. i think because she is the only one who knows how it works for me....how upset i am to be challenged about my lifestyle. how i can't help it if the smell of meat makes me want to vomit.
but my friends and family? gah. emry likes to throw it in my face. literally (well, he's grown out of this mostly) and bring home beef propaganda from school. about the pie that my mum was making for my birthday last year 'you could just make it with lard..she'd never know.' and so on and......it's just hard..and boys wanting me to kiss them after eating that. eating it when they're out with me..it's kind of disrespectful. of course i say that with a double standard. i eat cheese in front of vegans..and so on. maybe i will make an effort not to.
i didn't mean for this entry to be so about vegetarianism....i hate it when people stop eating meat to fit in, to serve a cause that isn't.....their own. but i'd just really like to say how good it feels to finally have so many friends that don't eat meat...and that none of my friends are ugly about it.

back to my body....they took my blood and i poked at the hole when the nurse was out of the room now i have a bruise. fun. my doctor makes me mad...my mum says she might be feeling defensive because i keep not getting better. and i see this as a possibility. she's just so busy and un-soothing and has no respect for me and my choices....like today when i said that i hadn't gotten the micronor (depo) prescription filled and she challenged me on it. i just don't know how it's going to wreck my body, and whatever she says, she doesn't either.

you know who's hot? joaquin phoenix (if i spelt that right i should get an award) and kind of creepy. just like jude law. i watched inventing the abbotts today. it was enjoyable if not over-done. there's this one scene between him and liv tyler that really reminds me of how me and alvin used to be sometimes...it was funny. the best scenes are ones i identify with. because i am very self centered.

this afternoon i had a nap, and in my dream i was talking about other dreams and trying to explain them. it was very 'waking life' and very enjoyable. i dreamed i was woken by a certain boy (i'm not admiting that the dream was about him, because i've decided not to have crushes, no matter how viable. oh, except constantine because he's so distant and pretty.) and taken out to the beach. and when i got home from the beach i went back to bed. so i completely forgot about the whole event (i often don't remember doing things in the middle of naps), so i had no idea where i stood with him, or what had happened..or anything. it was a very sweet dream though. calm and there was an ocean, very breifly. sorry.

my brother is growing more and more annoying by the day. my only solace is that i'm going to write him into my script. very very realistically. and everyone is going to talk about how over done he is..but he won't be. right now he's dancing and hitting things and singing (LOUDLY) 'pardon me. eat my pee.' he was also doing the 'meredith smokes weed dance earlier'. except he didn't actually know how right he was....he though he was making fun of me. how endearing.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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