note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2002-04-28 10:35 p.m.

it's too boring for too much effort to recount my weekend.

so i won't.

it was no 4/20. and i'm glad.

actually, it was pretty boring. but fun. highlight though, was the close-to-an-hour-long movie i made with melissa and fraser. it's just us sitting around talking for that whole time. and wandering around i guess.

and for everyone else it's going to be so boring. i mean, if they watch it. but in a few years... it can mean so much to me. what i'd give for footage of past great friends. what i'd give.

just for footage of backstage of plays. and hallways with ashley and amy. and playing with megan and sarah.

i am not friends with anyone anymore. and it's actually making me sadder than ever today. maybe because i saw megan at jerry's. it was after i got off shift. so i talked to her for too long. i'm always so annoying because i'm so excited to see her. if any of you talk to her...tell her i'm sorry. i feel like i'm reaching for something. like i'm dreadfully ugly and stupid when i talk for too long. but i can't stop...not even just with her, with angie a lot i guess. with anyone i was once friends with. nahanni makes me sadder than anyone though. just because i used to appreciate her so much. and she is so very formal now. and i don't know how to react. i just want to hug her and call her nonny and do our twin high-five. this is making me so sad.

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mehta and matt went to the 24 hour playwriting competition on friday. mehta won 3rd place! yay. i'm so impressed. i want to read all the kinds of stuff our friends write. i've only read fraser and melissa's stuff. even alisin's...not really in depth.

matt was in a bad mood on saturday at yadda(drama group). and it really bothered me. beyond anything. he was just so shutting down. and fraser was helping. which doesn't usually happen. it was hard. and it just made me really defensive and gross. and we were all being ugly. and me and matt really shouldn't even be friends. although that makes me so sad. (i can't lose people anymore. i can't.)
i talked to him tonight though. and he's going to teach me to make fried rice. (brilliant excitement.) he was very nice. and everything was closer to good. but i don't know what's wrong between us. i don't know how we interact even. i don't understand our relationship in any way. but i still think he's great (except when i hate him...)

great part of this weekend: i called suzanne when i got home today...and then we started talking about chinese food...and so we had to go get some. when we to chau's commodore (buffet) and ate huge ammounts of foodfoodglorious... she's so pregnant. she has 3 weeks left (so they say). but she's really big. she's saving up lots of money and getting everything ready. i'm so impressed with her. she's grown up billions (although is still 17).

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well...it's 11:45 now...i just talked to jeffmorton for somewhere near an hour...and it was really really nice. i called him at about ten. but he wasn't home. and i really didn't expect him to call back. so yeah.

we talked about all past jokes and good fun and so on and on and on. his girlfriend's name is jen. that made me smile. i hope that someday i'm really good friends with her. i really miss hanging out with that boy from time to time and time...but he's playing at the living room now on tuesdays and sundays. so i have a new place to visit him. (although he won't be there this tuesday. but you know who might be! jan!) and he's moving out. into a zen monastery-like house with no piano. he's going to live here for the summer and then move to regina.

in this odd way i feel like i don't deserve to be friends with him. like i'm little and inconsequential. but he seems to like me.

actually i sort of hate that i just had a really good conversation with him. it makes it so horribly worse because i have to miss him more. and also i got to see again what has irratated me in the past. and it's so awkward to be his friend again when he's dating someone. although it shouldn't be. technically. (i should, once again, suck it up.)

what's the cheapest price i could buy a video camera for? do you think i could get one for under 400 dollars? - used, good quality i mean...?

i'm off to save the world. meaning:too long.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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