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disclaimer: this is the life and times of meredith r. mistletoe. i'm making a slight attempt to disguise my identity and hide things that i write about and pretend i don't feel things i do. but if you read this and i don't know you read it, then you read it at your own risk. and you should let me know you're reading it... especially because a lot of the time things need clarifying or aren't quite true anymore or etc etc etc.

note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2002.06.09 9:27 a.m.

yesterday was the longest day of my life. all of the parts seem detached from each other, like a whole week could have happened yesterday and i've just forgotten the parts where i slept or watched tv or worked....(ai)

yesterday was amazing. due partly to how i'm not sure how i feel about anything these days, partly to how work is technically sucking me dry and killing me (or numbing me and poking in the eyes at the same time as some people say), and partly to how my hormones are fucking around and i have pms (i wish there was a less lame, more curtesy-asking way of putting that). but the end result was that my mood could change instantly, without provocation or need. frustrating and yet...

yesterday i had to get up when i realized that i was just dreaming about painting the house with my family. because i was avoiding gettting up and painting the house with my family. i had been uninthusiastic about painting. put when i got up and got dressed for painting...it just felt right. and the day with my family was the best there's been in awhile. you have to make conversation while you're painting. because otherwise you'll fall asleep. and my family is really interesting and we all have fairly close senses of humor. and me and my cousin gayla spent most of the day painting near by each other. and later cassie came and joined us. which was so good because me and cassie haven't gotten along really, mostly due to a lack of conversation and really assuming things about each other i think. but it helped to make things less awkward between us.

my closest cousin megan came by later with ethan (3) and rachel (1 and 1/2 weeks). i love her and i love her children. they mean so much to me and my mum. i carried rachel around with me for 45 minutes or so. just doing everything with one hand. i swaddled her in 2 blankets and played in the back yard with ethan (who is terribly brilliant). we made charmander and mailbox talk. mostly they said 'i'm mailbox.' 'i'm charmander.' and yet...it still was great. it just felt so right and good to spend time with these two. and i want to have kids just like them in a few years.

gayla left a lot of beer in my fridge. i wonder if my mum'll let me drink it. i hate beer mind you, but i like getting drunk. especially right now. despite the fact that i have to go to work far too soon.

i went to a picnic at kismen park. where some people that i knew were. some diarylanders. so unfamiliars. and i have no idea what i thought about the whole thing. when i got there it was really gross. i felt ugly and pretentious and irratating. the only person in the circle that i felt like i could communicate with was andrew. and god knows we haven't always communicated well (ever?). i went and found some others (only boys) being boys by the playground. looking so wonderful and yet so detached from me. like i could never make them understand a sylable that came from my lips. and i felt old. and gross. i felt stupid for only being friends with younger people(despite the fact that they are far more interesting that most of any population, regarless of age). and i thought that they all probably looked down on me for it. looked down on me for not having bigger friends. and maybe they should. why don't i relate as well with older people? it isn't even that i don't.....

i just wanted to leave kinsmen park. but didn't have anything else to do really. and i was enjoying watching people.

i went and i bought 7 dollars worth of junk food at mac's. then i called alisin from a payphone. i went over to her house. we sat around for an hour or so talking about nothing. nothing. she found me this bunnyhug (hooded sweatshirt for those non-saskatchewanites) in jim-jam's church. it's partially wonderful and partially hillarious, just like everything in my life. it's an old-school converse one, with elasticized waist and cuffs, and it's far too large. excellence.

we went over to ali's to watch this movie called waking life. robin and ellen were there. we sat outside talking for awhile. and it made me happy. we went up to ali's room, which is exactly how it should be. i am very impressed with the clothes that she's started making. i wish that i was that creative. we watched the movie. here are a list of people that need to see it. the rest of you, it's a strong suggestion, but.... :
fraser
graeme
matt
jeffmorton
niki
amanda
ashley and amy (purely because i'd like to know how they'd react).
waking life.

i'm not even going to talk about it and hope the others follow suit. i have to watch it again though. i should own it and watch a segment of it every day, just so that i can absorb that bit. and swallow it.

after the movie we sat around talking...robin left. bequie came home and she came and sat with us. we talked for a really long time. by we i mean, me. (and i feel so horrible about it. because i don't even mean to be such a talker. i don't even mean to suck the conversation.) it was really nice. ali and ellen are neat to hang out with together. and i've known bequie for years and yet never known her at all. At All.

me and alisin went back to her house. and ended up having to talk for another hour or more....i can't even remember. everything is so crazy. i didn't know how to digest anything that she had to say. i still don't. but i think....in the end, he's just a boy. (ihope. beyond hope.)

i felt so naseous when i got home, and still feel really gross. i should eat something healthy. but the only thing i felt that i might be able to stomach would be an apple...and i couldn't find one.

this has been most important. write it all. out. yesterday was the longest day. weeks within a day.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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