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disclaimer: this is the life and times of meredith r. mistletoe. i'm making a slight attempt to disguise my identity and hide things that i write about and pretend i don't feel things i do. but if you read this and i don't know you read it, then you read it at your own risk. and you should let me know you're reading it... especially because a lot of the time things need clarifying or aren't quite true anymore or etc etc etc.

note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.


2004.11.02 9:53 a.m.

the heater's on and i can't stop burning my feet.

what a ridiculous place diaryland is. and it's still so good. wait, i only speak for myself on that part. i hope that it's helping. i'd like to say that i think it's obvious how much i care for everyone. but it isn't. and i do. care too much. and respect you all.
it's hard, hey, to admit to how wonderful you think someone is? to tell them especially.

i miss you all, even those in my city. i want to sit in more bathtubs with you (on pillows during large parties, hogging the room so that no one can get in) and climb on more rooftops with you (maybe during rainstorms or maybe to speak in french and not speak at all). and especially lie in bed (because that's actually where the best talking gets done. at all times.) and have more 24 hours with you..i remember when that was a way we got crazier and closer and stronger and resolved/created tensions. and it was so honest (and so protected).

oh god we've all lucked out.
because we're so beautiful we're hard to look at.
and it's near impossible to admit how we feel and ask for what we need.
i go home (what is a home?) in two months. if i don't spend real time with all of you..i'll regret it so much. so let's plan and not be ridiculous about our commitments and let's skip formalities and jump right in.

i'm homesick and sick for this home too.

i've been thinking more about the bed parties i used to have. i think i'll move this into my only form of interaction with people. let me know when you want to come over for a bed party.

and especially those of you who're going to watch laugh in with me. we should decide a time. and a bed.

these days all feel so strange.

yesterday i was so ill i just wanted to fall over. but i like having to do things because it's a challenge..and i'm generally reluctant to challenge myself..especially physically.
work was too busy and it irritated me and i hate people who come at close and then take 5 minutes to decide what they want.
i like working with ashley and hopefully she doesn't think i'm completely insane because i have a tendency to make her listen to all the theories i have about my friends and crushes and so on.

i forgot to write about john vomitting out of his nose on sunday night. but he sure did. actually, i didn't write about it because i thought it'd be rude..but since he did.. yeah good theory. but he'll never top the time when nathanael choked on a giant hot dog, tried to wash it down with chocolate milk and then vomitted it all up.

we had rehearsal last night. and i couldn't focus at all. i think i'm actually going insane. or maybe i have an inner ear problem. does that cause dizzyness and things?
but we managed to read through one of the plays once and talk about how still nothing was settled at all.
so good.

niki and i went to get some ice cream and then we brought it to john at his house. john is actually insane and thought that niki was screening his phonecalls..and is so strange about everything. the more time i spend with him the more i like him.
and still feel like i don't know him. but in a good way.
when we'd got there he'd set up two chairs for us to sit on and we did for a bit. and it was funny and felt contrived in some way. or like we were waiting for something to happen.
but then i got into his bed (as i am like to do) and they got in too and niki wanted to practice 'bundling' but i was having none of that because i think she just wanted to put her hand on my inner thing. and she still just doesn't get it.
but we sat around there for a bit. and it felt really good. i've decided john's our new best friend and we'll take him everywhere.
he was talking about how he misses reading my diary without me knowing about it. he felt like we were secretly close friends, but only on his side. i guess he probably does know a lot about me because of it.

i spent a long time writing on livejournal last night. it took so much effort. all writing does these days. i'm avoiding finishing an email to will by writing this diary entry. i don't know how to put anything.
i really like writing but i feel like i'm going to need to move all of this into real life too.

the heater is still on and it's still burning my feet.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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