note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2002.08.12 12:01 a.m.

okay, beyond anything i need to go to bed right now. god yes. but at the same time i've been wanting to write.

alisin had a sort-of-date today....with sebastian. or jean-sebastian gautier (or something like that really). he's friends with bus greg and twenty-one.

(it's funny that that's on top of my news, when she would rarely think to mention me in general.)

i had a nice day. the volunteer party was surprisingly fun. we got candy apples, caramel apples, and cotton candy. i won a pretentious business book, melissa got a pretty purse and ellen won a beer hat (not the kind with the places to put the beer and the straws. more the kind with some lame logo) but she wasn't there to claim it. we danced and me and melissa talked soooo much. mostly about pot and sex. isn't that all there is to it? we're going to talk some more soon too, i hope. and i saw jeffmorton and we smiled. and talked and laughed because in this odd way we know each other too well and not enough. oh, the canada show was also well worth watching. i was sad that more people didn't come with us to the party...specifically when they walk away in the rain and it seems doubly sadder.

yeah, pot and sex.

it has occured to me that i haven't done any pot probably since four-twenty, and that i don't even know what smoking up with the boys is like.
i've actually felt so incredibly alienated this week in the oddest of ways. and certain people are treating me differently and i don't understand it. at mitch's i just felt alienated. and then when i couldn't go another time then i felt sad. and when i went to the show last night instead of doing other things (which didn't have anything to do with me anyways) it was weird because no one wanted to be there. and i felt bad.

i have to drive though. how else will i get home. it's stupid when you feel alienated because of factors beyond your control. or because......i don't know.

i am un-impressed with unusual people for unusual reasons and it isn't bothering me really. i have far less feelings that i rationally should.

i want to see people. i want to see people in situations where i can have really good conversations with them.

and not make out with them. unless there's no way that i couldn't.

my family back equals -emry eating all my food.   -mum insanely nagging about the work situation.   -mum deciding i need to pay $250/month rent and food and so on.   -being wokenup at 8 by people yelling.   -emry throwing at least 4 fits since then. (spoiled bugger.)

surprisingly enough i won't be sad when they leave again in a week.

i probably have a blood clot in my foot! yay! the doctor doesn't seem to be worried. so i'll try not to be.

i have to go to bed so bad it hurts.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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