note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2002.05.27 9:28 p.m.

i still have my winter feet. damn winter feet. soon though.

soon it's sundresses and flowers and summer summer feet.

i found a muscle in my arm. dammit again. who asked for this. and then i found another one in my other mind. oh no, i meant to write arm. in my other arm.

this may have something to do with how i'm talking to hank.

(hm, those last two paragraphs were vaugely interesting.)

i want to call fraser. but i don't know if his parents want me to call right now. and i'm not sure that i have anything to say. at all. at all.

stupid fucking sam hired stupid fucking tina keets. who i hate! soooo sooo much. ick. i'm so angry. especially because amy (who i lovelovelove) needs a job, and if i'd known we'd had any....well....you see my point i'm sure. fuck. she's so irratating and clingy. eh. i hope this ends far better than i'm imagining it will. my first impulse was to quit. how immature and babyish of me. but still....

but then stuart (managerial in a way) gave me free candy to put in my wrecked ice cream. i made a blizzard (hahahaha) of smarties, m&ms, skor, and crispy crunch. it was texturally delicious.

i also talked to (kitchen manager) dave about my so-called life. and if he's not mistaken rayanne(i think) is on one of the newer star tracks. yep. dave's so nice. but he really seems gay. no, not but, because that's my favorite part about him. just that...he isn't. really. i guess. he put his wrist down on the tomato slicer, and then went on about how 'retarted' he was. it made me so angry. fucking shite.

why does everyone still say that? even people i like? fuck.

only fags say retard.

and one guy came in and said his name was whalen. which it probably was, but it still made me laugh. (that's alisin's last name.) not as much as if they'd come in and said their name was mistletoe. (dammit, now you all now my horrific last name. ah, well...just as long as you don't think you're clever for calling me cheeseburger.) at work sam calls me cheeseburger and paul calls me megadeath.

and all the cooks hit on me.

(that last statement is slightly untrue. but still...they do touch all of us a lot. and they all look vaugely similar. there must be some odd criteria in hiring at jerry's. odd.)

at least we have good veggie burgers.

i love how this diary talks of no real issues. ha. suck that secret-wanters. gossip-shakers. ha.

(fine. i have a crush on tom, and i'm pregnant with both of the hot twins' twin babies. ha.)

speaking of hot, i saw kris nelson walking down braodway today in a yellow skirt. he looked double pretty. or pretty +5 as the case may be. i should have made friends with him years ago. damn my shyness. fuck. (to some of you, that may seem a satirical comment. but it really isn't. not at all. i am severly shy in the oddest of ways. this is why most of you thought, upon wetting (what why did i just write wetting, and then sit here wondering if it was spelt right?), meeting me, that i hated you. because i don't know how to interact with people any better than anyone else. except those of you that i looked up to in some way. or had crushes on (girls too). then i was indoubidibly confused as to how to behave and was probably somehow close to polite, or tried to involve you in schemes, and dreams and moving scenes. i mean, my movements. and we probably ended up in sask place playing the water game, playing in wood shavings, and running through crowds to the first cords of 'how she died'. unless you aren't niki. in which case....

.

my kitten keeps falling into the bathtub and then coming out looking deliciously wet and confused. how brilliant.

.

my cousin had her baby this evening. we are keeping ethan (a. 3) over-night because of this. he is very very cute. in jerry's earlier he spilt ice cream allthe way down himself. and then said. baby uckie leg. baby uckie shirt. baby uckie chair. and so on. and was confused by the microphone voice announcing orders. he also commented on the decor, 'fish has eyes.' and 'big sun!'. wow, those were so much more amusing in real life. sorry.

none the less. me and this new baby are about the same age apart as me and my aunt alisOn. i hope we will be as close. she will also be a gemini, like alison. babies are sooo exciting when they're new born. and their mothers are very tired. she will be more exciting in a month or two. and i'm excited for that. very excited.

ho-la i like babies.

i have a waffle-cone-iron burns, bruises, a-so-called bone spur (called so by me and no one else) on the bottom on my foot, and my neck is still sore. i love work. i love it to bits and bits.

just so you know, this entry is excessively long for you, ali. just so you know. if you feel sad about this, you should. because...well, there's no reason.

coffee was very good with ellen, ali and alisin. it was interesting to be with two sets of best friends. it is in some ways like a double date. at times we found ourselves having independent conversations. mostly initiated by sin and i, i'm afraid. we have far too many 'in' jokes. yack.

but the conversation about drama, was for me, the definite highlight. we were talking about how we're bad actors.

and we are bad actors because we aren't characters. we are just good at speaking on stage. which is a silly thing to do. i have less than sixty percent of the time in the many plays i've done, felt like i was the character. in any way. at all. i feel as if this is a horrible thing. i really need to fix.

and i really want to go to the film camp in toronto to help with this. because i don't want to be me. i want to be a fucking good actress. so good that not many people have heard of her because she isn't boring enough to be main stream. but still famous enough so you'd see her face and say..."don't i know her? doesn't she live in the apartment below me? or above..."

i just want to be so good. i just want to be. this long entry is for you ali. i hope you're happy.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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