disclaimer: this is the life and times of meredith r. mistletoe. i'm making a slight attempt to disguise my identity and hide things that i write about and pretend i don't feel things i do. but if you read this and i don't know you read it, then you read it at your own risk. and you should let me know you're reading it... especially because a lot of the time things need clarifying or aren't quite true anymore or etc etc etc.
note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.
2004.10.15 9:52 a.m.
guys..i'm seriously the most ridiculous person. possibly ever. i mean, obviously.
i was in a horrible mood again last night. just nasty. i think it's because i'm so unimpressed with myself. and how completely awkward i can make things.
i mean, i change my mind every few minutes..so whatever i've just decided is made completely irrelvant so quickly. it's stupid.
i'm considering not talking to people anymore because it's all a lie a minute later.
i'm not close friends with any boys that i'm not attracted to.
i'm also not close friends with any girls i'm not attracted to. but it is funny how all the boys around me are people i've been involved with or wanted to be involved with at one point or another. i find it far easier to be best friends with boys after i've exhausted the possibility of relationshiping with. no, actually, after i've made out with them.
..i always want to be feeling something and i'll just convince myself that i feel that something..until proven otherwise.
whenever i meet someone that i think is great i want to be their Ultimate Best Friend. with girls i want them to tell me their life stories and secrets and share everything. with boys i want them to want me. obviously in a hot way.
the beginning of an involvement is the best best best part. i feel like i'm always trying to be in the beginning and never actually in an involvement. i mean, i tend to avoid people after making out with them...but yet i'm usually up for making out with someone new who i find interesting. mostly because i really want to prove something? to win...
i spent a parts of this summer avoiding a boyfriend i actually quite liked. and who i miss substantially...but it never would have occured to me not to cheat on him. or to pretend it was going to last forever.
aw, geordie emailed yesterday, which was perfect because i had been missing him all day. i miss aspects of having a boyfriend. like having someone to come visit me at work. and come over after being out and going to brunch with. and our phone conversations when he was away..and being guest-listed. and obviously being cuddled. since it's my life goal to be cuddled.
but i don't actually know how broken up he thinks we are...
also, he's so excited for all the shows they've been playing. apparantly they and run chico run have been having a ball and playing together and partying down. and he liked despistado, except brenan who he said was 'a little too touchy-feely, you know?' ahhahah. awesome.
oooooooo what a deeeeeep entry. oooohhhhh the baby.
(paul says i shouldn't disown my thoughts/opinions/statements by making a joke of them. good thing paul doesn't read my online journal. oh wait, what if he did?? hahaha oh god. someone stop me writing here.)
anyway...last night would probably have been really fun if it hadn't been for my horrible mood. niki was in a mood too. extra fun. but i tried dancing and it just irritated me. that's a bad sign. i really like elicia. she's such a good friend. and she tells me all her secrets and crushes. ha, you know.
constantine's band was fine. they half-irritate me but they are pretty funny and pretty good to dance to. constantine in general irritates me these days. and i was going to pretty much avoid talking to him but he made me interact with him. and said 'how come we don't talk?' yeah..good question. he said he'd call and we'll go for grilledcheeseplatters. which would actually be really nice since i can't really remember why i wanted to be friends with him..and maybe it'd be fun. but then i caught myself actually thinking it would happen...
there was no john or willrobbins last night though. it actually feels weird when they're not around. it's probably for the best.. i feel like i'm being awkward with john. whatevs, i'm sure he can suck it up the baby. when am i not awkward in the beginning of friendships?
i only have to work for three hours today! party time! i should go drunk...
then hillary would love me more.
previously - and then
*oh random entry*
all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15
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