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disclaimer: this is the life and times of meredith r. mistletoe. i'm making a slight attempt to disguise my identity and hide things that i write about and pretend i don't feel things i do. but if you read this and i don't know you read it, then you read it at your own risk. and you should let me know you're reading it... especially because a lot of the time things need clarifying or aren't quite true anymore or etc etc etc.

note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2003.05.31 1:21 p.m.

oh, another long-winded entry? oh good. we haven't gotten over your last one yet.

oh i don't even know how to begin. i wish i hadn't gotten over my really really polite drunk phase. although, i might have been a little too drunk for any phases.

i got to maggi's at like 8ish and just starting drinking. man, don't you love it when people talk (and write) about how drunk they were and how drinking is cool? fuck. i haven't been that gone in a while. if ever. which was kind of my point. it's really hard to make good impressions in altered states. i got really drunk really fast.

i had a really good time. but in the oddest ways. in general i hate drunk people. i hate how they act, what they say, etc. and i was pretty typical. so typically gross. but at the time, it was kind of fun. and i wasn't crying or slobering, so that's a plus.

and i had some amazing talks. the kicker about it though, is that you have a perfect excuse to be as awkward as you want, and to bring up anything, and talk about things you might otherwise hide. buuut then your emotions are slightly skewed, and then worst of all, you can't really remember it. that's painful. especially when other people will remember it.

because of that dream i had the other night where we were all in the bathtub me and maggi got in the bathtub. and then i stayed there for most of the night. it wasn't the most comfortable place, but it was pretty freakin awesome. so closed and with sliding glass doors that made lots of good noise. perfect for girl- and other kinds of talk. maggi and i started talking about boys and sex and friendships and when she was gone nicole came by. and it was just so easy to talk about everything. and there's so much similar between all of us girls. it feels so good to understand. to comiserate. i am so young.

holy fucking young.

i was downstairs for a bit, and when i tried to go back upstairs my legs weren't working. it was so irritating and ridiculous. they really should have been working. it should have been a joke.

jamie and i were in the bathtub for hours. okay, i have no concept of how much time, but it seemed long. it was definitely him i was being most irritating to.

a while ago my cousin was saying about how when she gets drunk she feels the need to bring up strange things for the wrong reasons. and i very much do the same thing. like, that sucked, now i can make you discuss it with me.

though, a lot of the time, this is the only time i let it bother me. in real life i have a tendency to make a joke of everything, and push it away. but i shouldn't do it anyways. bring it up i mean.

though there are things i'd like people to know about me, but there's no way to say it in real life. it takes a lot of effort.

it's hard to know what you're really feeling though. i don't know if somethings i say are true, even if they feel it at the time.

i have to stop this now. it's making me more and more irritated.

we had a time. didn't we? we had a time.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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