note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2002.10.11 11:25 p.m.

today has been a billion hours. maybe more.

and a billion moods.

not a billion dollars though.

i was busy being soooo huge all today (since 9 in fact) that i don't have anything left for myself. completely drained. and god i was irratating today.

bloody.

i hung out with my family this evening for four hours after being at work for nine. yike. i just am so strange. so big. but nicole haddock came in today...her parents own the body shops and she's a singer and an actress. and a lot of other things i'm sure. she's amazing. amazing. i'm sure some of you would dislike her intensely. sometimes i am unsure of my enjoyment of her. but she's something for sure. i mean, i talk about how fucking huge i am. but double that. and then take away any shyness i have and any self-criticism. she's so big. i don't know how she gets away with it. i think if i got into a conversation with her about boys it would turn out that we had the same kinds of problems with them. except with her it would be to more of an extreme. she is such an extreme. holy bloody. i really enjoy talking to her. i went to get a drink of water from the back and ended up talking to her for close to half an hour. insane. insanity.

there are still openings in my film course in january. i think that i will end up not applying because of my resistance and self-doubt. and some doubt of the program maybe. i have no idea what it will be like. and why it's so cheap and why it's not filled yet. and i don't know. everything. where will i live? how do i get student loans? how do i deal with being away from home? i think i would just cry a lot. but it would be the perfect time to leave. while i'm friendless and boyless and unfulfilled.

i'm really dizzy right now. stupidly.

i feel strange. maybe i'm dying. probably. in fact. well good then...i won't have to apply to college. i'm not a college student. i won't do it. fuck you.

oh, right i'll be dead anyways. that's good. it'll be one hell of an awkward funeral. so do any of meredith's close friends want to give a speech? oh, no friends, right then....(wah wah wah wah wah).

if melissa gets the same haircut as me i will shoot myself in the face. with a gun. i big gun. i will blow my face clear of here. like nobody's business.

here's the link that i promised a couple of people. if you go here you will never ever regret it. unless you hate eggs. i mean, talking eggs. and pie. but you don't. just go here. for me. i like donkey. yes i do. i like donkey....

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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