note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2004.07.08 2:13 p.m.

ahh thursdays, the day of the long break. it's long. like three hours. which lead me to have time to search the internet for random people and also look up random things and whatnot. i should have been doing vocal masque stuff..but i didn't.

man, i've been sucking pretty hardcore in class lately. and not even in a hot way. but it is kind of hot because i'm in a good enough mood to find it funny and therefore it works out. i figure i have to hit bottom before i go up. and i'm certainly learning. and isn't that the point? i would think so.

our new teacher, brenda, is very awesome. and she tapes our scenes for us and then we can take them home and watch them. it's very helpful. things i've learned by watching myself
a: i'm not as cutesy as one might fear.
b: i have a fat neck and chin that blend into each other and i should never be shot at that angle again.
c: i have flat straight eyebrows.
d: i have no upper lip.
i get cuter the more i watch. i might even grow attached to watching myself. sick!
e: i have stupid habitual things that are distracting from my work. but that's good to know so that i can work on them.

yeah. it's sure interesting stuff. i'll say that. brenda seems to like me well enough though. so it's fine.

i saw geordie for the first time in like a week yesterday. it was fun in a weird way. i didn't tell him about what happened. things are okay between us but i wonder if there's a point continuing this non-relationship when we'll never even get to spend time together. but i doooo like him.. but i also want everything else. why can't i have my cake and eat it too?

whyyyy?

i'm having such a riot in paul's classes these days. he's enjoying me i think..i keep saying funny things. but not tooo often. we did this awesome awesome fun laban technique stuff today. it involved a lot of running about and making vowel sounds and fun. oh man did i like it. it was neat.

i'm getting kind of excited for vocal masques. i hope i don't bomb it terribly. the thing about filming scenes is that you can re-do it. in theatre you just go out there and do it. and that's it. no second takes. that sucks. i'm nervous for performing. especially in front of a large group of people who's opinions matter. esidhgk.

so turns out that a bunch of people in my class (other group) are sleeping together. good work teams. and by that i mean bad work. not to name any names but one of them is someone who should clearly only be in love with me.

after geordie left yesterday i went to utopia (again) with ali and miranda. it was pretty great. miranda and me stayed for a bit after ali left. i like miranda so much. i think everyone i know would like her, she's so laid back and easy going. and good to talk to. she actually listens..not like some people i could mention.

then on my way home i saw scott on his porch and i stopped and talked to him and stayed for a good two hours. we just sat and sat and talked and then smoked some weed (in an ingenious bong made for a juice container). it was really interesting. i find him incredibly easy to talk to. i don't know how i feel towards him. i mean, i am attracted to him, but to what degree? i wish i knew. i have a tendency to need to date boys before being able to actually be friends with them. i know i want me and scott to be close..but..and i have no idea what he thinks of me at all. i mean, we clearly get along, but i don't know if he's attracted to me. i was talking to him about relationships and how i'm only friends with hot people (why is that so true?) and he said i should bring more hot girls around because he's lonely. and i said no because everyone has to be in love with me. he didn't seem to think that was a very good theory..i thought it was funny. and true.

i mean, who doesn't want everyone to be in love with them? you know you do.

because then it proves something. it puts you higher than other people. most important.

yeah, i'm a terrible person.

i have no plans tonight for once, maybe i can avoid spending money. if i'm lucky. i'll just watch a lot of tv instead.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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