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disclaimer: this is the life and times of meredith r. mistletoe. i'm making a slight attempt to disguise my identity and hide things that i write about and pretend i don't feel things i do. but if you read this and i don't know you read it, then you read it at your own risk. and you should let me know you're reading it... especially because a lot of the time things need clarifying or aren't quite true anymore or etc etc etc.

note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2004.01.09 12:02 a.m.

so i'm still here. still in a giant city. ignoring it pretty good though. it's pretty bloody giant. but if you take the subway you never have to know. aparantly there's a good streetcar route as well.

my heart feels kind of dead. like heavy and lifeless. i keep knowing that something's not right and then realizing that it's really everything. and then going back to ignoring it. gross. every few minutes is a struggle not to cry, gives me a headache.

this city better get exciting quite quickly. i'm sure it will. i need to get out and see music and dance and run around. i need to become myself again as soon as possible. i need to find my kind of kids right away. - i don't think my program is going to do that so much. i kept thinking today, 'where are all the hippies?' 'where are all the punk kids?' and then realizing probably an acting for film program wouldn't have too many of them. sad. i'm going to go hang around the music area so good. seriously.

turns out the campus is far bigger than i'd thought. over 4000 students. still think i'll see everyone once because it's not that huge. but still. big and with tons of programs. and all the buildings are bigger than they look. it's pretty gorgeous though. all in red brick with giant windows. especially in the studios (where i'll be spending most of my time), the light just pours in. warms me from the inside it seems. with black floors and open spaces. it's actually feeling a lot like drama camp. i loved drama camp. i haven't actually attended any classes though, so maybe that will change? i doubt it.

as for cute boys..not sooo much. irritating. i really need some like you wouldn't believe. not 'some' as in 'sex' but 'some' as in 'cute boys' just to distract me and make it feel fun. there's a couple boys in my class that will be fine. and one that i'm quite attracted to but is too confident and at home and i also hate him immidiately. ha i'm dumb. a couple of the boys from the second year program (there were only three of them there) were quite nice, and somewhat attractive. i'm sure there'll be lots more to look at when everyone's actually at school.

my teachers seemed okay. one of them's a little irritating, a little..artsy..but you know. i really like neil and diana and paul. i also like that we can use their first names and that it feels very friendly and good. i'll be able to feel at home soon i hope. yes.

they lost my placement essay that i wrote when i auditioned and so i had to take another test. i was way way too tired to read, let alone take a test. me, priscilla, and chala had been up till four talking, and i was up at 7 to make extra-double-sure i'd get there on time. and i had been dead when i got off the plane. so i was extra-tripple dead today. dumb.

i hope my communications and humanities courses are worthwhile and helpful. probably will be. and i get to choose an elective next semester. maybe sailing. or outdoor survival. yeah, so that i don't die on the streets.

i'm missing people terribly already. i wish everyone i knew had unlimited long distance. or that i did i guess. steve wrote me about how constantine was being very obnoxious at the airport, so good. i'm going to go back to being glad to be out of the whole mess. except that i keep thinking i see people i know. it's heartbreaking really.

those of you wonder, constantine isn't going to be a much music vj. at all.

some of the people in my class seem a little lame. or a lot lame. i'm sure they'll turn out fine, but right now..and a few of them are pretty young, and discussing fake ids and stuff. weird. there's at least a few people i can see myself really getting on with though. the girl that i befriended at my audition, alisa, is in, so at least i had someone i recognized. she's really odd, i don't know how close we'll be..but... and this other girl, jackie, lives near me so we went home together, she's nice. older, finished a bachelor degree in some sort of intense science already. yeah, it'll be interesting to see how everyone meshes. quite.

but there's no nikis or frasers or steves, who i know will get me. i made not one inappropriate sex joke today. and there's no constantines, though one of the second-years had a very similar body and it was distracting.

i'm tired. nothing i have to get done tomorrow. but a lot of things i should start.

you better all be missing me. because i'm sure missing you. diaryland is one part wonderful, and one part painful, because it's sure hard to think about you all seeing each other and having fun and everything.

so i guess i'll have to have extra-double fun here. or something.

email me. and tell me everything. update your diaries. tell me it's going to be okay.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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