et puis
disclaimer: this is the life and times of meredith r. mistletoe. i'm making a slight attempt to disguise my identity and hide things that i write about and pretend i don't feel things i do. but if you read this and i don't know you read it, then you read it at your own risk. and you should let me know you're reading it... especially because a lot of the time things need clarifying or aren't quite true anymore or etc etc etc.

note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

.

2002.10.27 11:23 p.m.

so, in analyzing everything, i think i've started to analyze myself. more, than i used to.

i'm sorry if i was strange and mean at tom's house. i think that was the last time i've really seen you........i'm sorry if i have not been there when you needed me. (how do we even know?) i'm sorry if i have blamed interruptions in our friendship solely on you, and i have been partly to blame. i'm sorry if i am a bad listener and a needy friend. i am sorry that i never call or write or seek you out. i'm sorry that i think that i am a better friend than i actually am. and that i think i do more work in my friendships than i actually do.

i don't know how to deal with being so out of the group. and not really wanting in. i don't know how to deal with the lack of a 'best friend' or with the distance of others. i don't know how to tell you how much i love you. or even compliment you in any way. i can tell you everything negative, be brutally honest, but never brilliantly honest.

if i wasn't so distanced from all of you, i'd write you all, but now it's just some shit attempt to get attention. or seems it.

(if i didn't have 'i dont' think you're ready for this jelly' stuck in my head i'd probably be in a better mood. - my body's too bootylicious for you baby.)

so i'm sorry. there's way more to it, but it's all that matters for me tonight.

and there is so much that all of this isn't.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

diarylanded oldered profiled emailed
guestbooked noted surveyed surveyed2 pictured

myspaced