note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

.

2003.08.29 8:01 p.m.

i yelled at ryan pollard a lot today. with fraser. really loudly. it would have been very sad if he hadn't have seen us, as i could have driven into something for him. it only occured to me in retrospect how little focus i had on operating the car.

fraser and i went to see the matrix reloaded. i though it was pretty lame, but since we only paid a dollar each, it was quite worth it. parts were really funny. like the end and the love. oh ho. but the fighting scenes, they just went on and on and on, i guess i'm such a girl, but still...i mean, really jumping high isn't that amazing when you do it that much.

fraser and i also hung out yesterday. i forgot to say about that. we went to city perk and had bagels, then we went to this park and went on the swing and watched a train go by. holy did i feel like i perfect prairie youth with the wheat and the train going by and standing near on of my favorite boys. i like trains and traintracks and prairies. i hope i raise my kids on the prairies. we talked a bunch about lots of things. for some reason i was feeling quite down when i got home. i still don't know why. i'm not good at examining things these days. or thinking about things.

after matrix we went by bowman and found some kids there. i had moments where i realized how old i am. so so old. i was going into grade twelve three years ago. ag. we went to extra foods, i wanted some reduced bakery, but they had a poor selection so i got some bulk chocolate instead. and some soy milk.

i'm so old.

i started a pretty skirt today. i hope it stays pretty. i tend to find ways to screw things up. it's brown and white. with a ruffle. oooohh pretty.

i think i had another dream about love last night, but i don't remember it. oh, i was trying not to love someone, and he was trying not to love me, because he was involved with someone else. it wasn't ending well.

i wish i was going to have time for dreams tonight, i hate openings. i don't know how much longer i can be there. i realize this more and more when i have days off. maybe that's why i shouldn't have two days off in a row, too much thinking time. though, if jerry's reading this...then maybe i won't have to worry too much longer.

i hate my brother so much sometimes, seriously, i mean i would be sad if he died and stuff, but there are moments when i feel the best thing would be slapping him. nothing gets through to him. he lies and throws fits and it makes me into the most unreasonable person. my mother too. their fights are hellish. and my mother thinks that i'm a huge baby when i get angry at emry, when she reacts nearly the same sometimes. i'm bad at living in a family.

i'm bad at most things these days. making plans, cleaning, working, loving, being a friend, just about anything you can think of. i'm really excellent at avoidance and anger though.

i need to get out of here. wait. i always say that.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

diarylanded oldered profiled emailed
guestbooked noted surveyed surveyed2 pictured

myspaced