note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2003.12.04 9:05 a.m.

oh fuck. i should never have gotten out of bed this morning. holy fucking cocksucking hell. i'm going to die on the streets. i knew it all along. there is no way that i'm going to get enough student loans to live on. and how do i possibly think that i'll be able to handle a part time job as well? i barely got through high school okay. barely. i was on the phone this morning for so fucking long with this woman at the office and she just couldn't comprehend what i was asking at all. i still have no idea of the answer, i had to get off the line because i thought i was going to drive down to regina and shoot her in the head. she kept talking to me like i'm two years old, and not listening to what i was asking exactly. holy fuck. i hate it when people do that. it seems to be a pattern of this week. and besides that i checked a wrong box (or they put it in wrong) that said i was living at home for my study period, so i was assessed way way below what i need. but i don't even think i get enough in the end anyway.

oh double panic.

if i hadn't already slept for 13 hours i'd go back to bed. i really didn't mean to go to sleep so early, i just had such a headache. i'm sad i didn't stay up and watch tv. that's what i plan for today. watch tv and get gel nails and ignore everything. except i have this terrible cough that isn't being ignorable. fucking cough. it's so deliciously phlemy though.

i wish i'd met hayden. oh lucky alix. i would have stuck it right in 'im. and by that i mean, blushed madly and professed my true love. i'm not going to lie to you, i love celebrity of all kinds. especially the kind with a guitar and brilliant songs. i'll end up with a musican, guaranteed. probably only because i don't make music myself...but i appreciate it so much.

i love sex and the city. really. i want all the episodes on tape. it's so good, and so irrelevant to my life. but i love highheels and girltalk and hats and lunch and drinks and everything. oh man, i'm just meant to be rich. i hate mr. big, he's dorky. except that he's also exactly right. oh man, so totally. i think i'm going to drive out to lawson to get the next installment. maybe if i just stole them all from the library...holy nerd.

i should probably also buy some christmas gifts. yeah i should get on that soon. for someone who talks about christmas sooo much, i sure haven't gotten anything done about it. oh right cause i'm broke and i'm going to die in the streets. ah fuck.

steve (or erin, as she prefersto be called) wrote this so kind entry about me yesterday. daily i'm like a fucking gratitude journal, realizing how important everyone is to me.

steve and i have worked at jerry's together off and on for quite a while (more than a year) and we weren't really friends until a couple months ago(?). it surpises me a little that she's friends with me, i'm very different than the rest of her friends, but i guess she is too.

the way that she's sooo grumpy. it's hilarious. and perfect. and her grumpy laugh.. the way that she tries to talk you into doing something, just by being a huge jerk about it and not letting it go ("just have your little pity party and we'll see you in ten minutes.). the way that she is encouraging and positive, but still snide about it. when she is completely honest and open.. that she loves her family and thinks her sister is so funny. that she's always up for going for coffee or eating pizza in cars. that she gave her phone number to the corey-look-alike. hahaha. and that she made plans with him. for tonight actually, oh me and danielle are sure going and spying. i mean, nothing. that she has the same pet peeves about customers that i do. so badly. we hate them. the way that she wears moccasins and has beautiful hair. her crazy grandma (she was so funny)! that she'd even consider moving away with me, even though it's not her dream, just because she'd have fun with me. that really says something.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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