note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2003.08.26 10:52 p.m.

ow i have hiccoughs. ow. large ones that shake my organs.

it was alicia's last day at work. and i was pretty glad. i actually like her quite a bit, but she was hating it so much and freaking out often, and being generally a bad worker. i think/hope she'll be happier in edmonton.

i wish i were going to edmonton. i had a really really good time there in the spring. but i can't afford it. maybe they'll be other things in the works...but i'd still like to go. before it snows. no way am i driving interprovincially in that tiny button car on ice and snow.

oh it's so almost christmas. and so begins the anticipation...the best bestest part. i should buy some wrapping. i'd like some love for christmas. and some some sweet sweet loving.

late at night i always think of lots i'd rather do instead of going to bed. i'd rather be looking for monologues and plays and painting on t-shirts i bought today. and having juice and searching the internet for random things.

but i really have to get up tomorrow. and i really got up at 4.30 this morning...i'm tired in my bones.

i wish i had 'up' by r.e.m. that's my favorite. i'm listening to automatic for the people which is also for loving..but still.

oh oh, here's an interesting thing. i mentioned to this girl megan at work today that i'm born of artifical insemination and she told me she knows another girl that is, and the girl has a brother by the same father. though not a sibling i'm pretty sure, i'd still like to talk to this girl. i'm thinking more about an online saskatchewan donor/child registry and website these days. empress? but i don't want to become like that guy who did the documentary about it and now is like the international spokesperson for children of donor insemination. i don't want it to even come close to defining me.

the mennonite clothes closet by my house is closing down so all their clothes are on 75% off, you should go. i got a slip and a few t-shirts today. i love buying things. really you could return the things and i mostly wouldn't notice, i just like the feeling in the store or knowing that you get to take it home, and imagining all the things you can do with it. i should really shop for other people. i should become a personal shopper. yeah right vomity barf.

sleeping is the fastest way to pass the time. it's such a useful thing when one is depressed or avoiding thinking about or doing things.

i think i over-reacted towards mattdean last night. well, almost. it's just that usually i wouldn't have said what i did. but really...i haven't seen or heard from any of those people in at least a week (and more with most of them) and they call me to say they have money and stuff for me from fringe (which is really great) and that they're all hanging out if i wanted to come (and i usually don't get called, so that was nice) except that they were also wondering if i would pull for them. despite the fact that i said i never wanted to pull again last time. and what jerks some were last time. and how i never drink because i always drive and i've driven all of them at some point. i really like doing stuff for people. and loving them. i was loving the boys so much during the play. but you can see how it felt, even though i know that they didn't do it on purpose to be jerks...?

i just want out of this city. i'm tired of repeat emotions and never feeling like i mean something. then i can miss people in peace.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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