disclaimer: this is the life and times of meredith r. mistletoe. i'm making a slight attempt to disguise my identity and hide things that i write about and pretend i don't feel things i do. but if you read this and i don't know you read it, then you read it at your own risk. and you should let me know you're reading it... especially because a lot of the time things need clarifying or aren't quite true anymore or etc etc etc.
note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.
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2004.03.22 4:42 p.m.
diaryland is such a fucking weird place. i remember when it was just me.
my emotions are really fucked up today. up and down and mostly down, and a weird kind of down, where i feel like falling over. and then maybe if i could feel sick i could justify falling over, so then i almost want to convince myself to feel sick.. which isn't hard with the stretches/breathing stuff we're doing. it's so fucking painful.
and i thought i wasn't missing home. and in some ways i'm not. i'm angry about certain things. and because i'm not at home there's no way to address it. and because i'm in a bad mood i just feel like yelling at people.
it's hard.
it's hard to miss and miss and then there's nowhere to go from there. and it's hard to feel like you're not being missed at all. or enough..maybe that's it. i guess it's inevitable to loose all of you?
i might stop reading diaryland. it's terribly depressing and only makes me weep in computer labs. . it's hard to hear about all the shows and injokes and so on. it's so fucking hard. i didn't mean for this entry to say this.
today in class christina talked a little bit about the book 'the artists' way' and it just made me miss my mum. i'm around the people from class far too much. and powerless to get away.
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my weekend was fine. i did a lot of voice and movement work. i did a lot of sitting around in my house. i drank at least 6 cups of hotchocolate.
i have no friends.
saturday was another m arkinside show. and i wanted quite quite badly to go..but i couldn't go alone (i already look like a weird groupie), and there was no one to go with me. because: i have no friends. i wanted to go so much, i couldn't settle down and do anything else. so i just called my mum and whined to her.
and there's so many shows that i want to go to that i don't have anyone to take to. there's the fembots and jim bryson this weekend, then the constantines, then the unicorns..there's so many that i'd like to see.
what's the point of living in this fuck-city if i don't have people to enjoy it with? priscilla has her chris and chala has her ten billion boys..and i've been here for three months and i'm still... yeah.
yes, oh ho yes, there are positives. and i do like parts of here so much..but i need more people. i want there to be people i can just call and hang out with. i hope so much that i become actual friends with the mark inside boys, and maybe with carnathan, and maybe with their friends..you see.
i am just oh-so lonesome.
previously - and then
*oh random entry*
all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15
diarylanded oldered profiled emailed
guestbooked noted surveyed surveyed2 pictured
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