note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

.

2002.07.16 8:21 p.m.

(yeah, you still kiss me, but it's just on the cheek. you pull away so easily.)

.

i made two rules today. stars on the arm to remind me of them. first, stop being so irratating. second stop flirting. and both were fairly stuck to....due in part to the fact that i was bloody tired and there were no cute boys around. no cute boys at all....it was for the best.

.

i hate flirting. (i love it.)

.

man, graeme wrote a double big entry. it was exciting. i went out with a group of people last night and we all have diaries......all of us. most updated and didn't talk about it. but we did hang. me and fraser went and got supper (fraser! who came by my work! and i was so happy to see him. i tried to hug him over the counter. but i couldn't.) mmm tacos. and then we went to the park and some other boys came. and then alyssa. who i enjoy. she's calm.

.

i used to argue with my mum over whether or not beards were attractive. i used to think they were very gross. and she'd say, you'll understand when you're older.....i am vauguely starting to understand. and it does suit some hippies. (i realize that i am talking about this, but i've been thinking about it so much.)

.

i am so so sick of crushes. i'm going to bloody my face. i hate them. i am driving myself nuts with my millions of kinds of crushes. millions. gah. it's hard to seperate them in my mind. and they are seperate.

.

i only want to have sex when it's not an option. a safety issue i suspect. (my heart.)

.

ness creek is the day after tomorrow, we'll leave early in the morning (ish). tomorrow is the getting-ready-day. eeeee. and i hope that me and alisin are good, because sometimes we start to mush. i get to go grocery shopping, and i am going to buy whatever i want because alisin didn't call me and therefore has no input. harumph.

.

i want to get some action there. preferable with someone i'll never see again. or with someone i want to marry. none of this in between shit. none.

.

i have five days off work. five days! i haven't had five days off in more than three months. i got a raise yesterday though. seven still seems ssoooo pitiful.

.

i watched the movie 'new waterford girl' tonight. it was soooo good. yeah. not in an amazing amaze way. just in a nice really comfortable way. it was my-so called life goes to the maritimes in the seventies. it even had some really similar scenes. andrew mccarthy was in it...of bratpack fame. he must be close to forty. but he was really attractive in this movie. very beyond. gah. i don't make sense to anyone. let alone myself.

.

sometimes this policeman (with the kindest eyes) comes in with his prettty pregnant wife. they are two of my favourite people. i want this man to be my father and my brother and my husband. i want to be this woman with a baby inside.
me and elisa were watching them....and i said i wanted to be like them. and she thought about it for awhile and she came up with my future in about ten years i'll be:
on a bench on my front porch with a two year old beside me and a belly out to god knows where. with about 4 other kids in various other parts of the house. and my husband is leaving for work in a business suit (but with extremely messy hair) and in a neat car.....
made me happy.

so much does. so much does. oh happiness.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

diarylanded oldered profiled emailed
guestbooked noted surveyed surveyed2 pictured

myspaced