note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2002-04-23 1o:oo p.m.

i feel like shoving knives up into my veins. and wrapping bits of twine around smaller appendages to cut off all circulation and make blue. (which is -coincidentally- my favorite colour.)

i feel beyond anything. everything that happens these days is the most important thing and is not important at all.

something is wrong. and i've told most of you this i think (mostly of the reality yous) but i haven't even thresh-holded where i am starting to stand. i can't explain any of anything to you. i can't make what i feel seem real. seem serious. and i feel so stupid, because everyone has real problems, and real business to attend to. and i don't. i am just....maybe just dumb and fishing for attention, as alisin said. maybe.
but it was still the least helpful thing that she could have said. least.

fuck it.

i am irratated by so many things right now. part of this being diaryland. i sort of want it back where i was here and no one from real was here. where i was safer. and some people are stupid about their use of diaryland.

i want to spend less time with people. i want to be by myself. or i think that it would be good for me. i want to function better. and not drop.

i want to quit jerry's. before i go crazy and loose all mental health. and i could. and how. please let me tell sam tomorrow. please? and please let him accept what i have to say. i am going to say that it's a little like hell. except that i technically don't have to be there. and so i won't be. i've wanted to quit for weeks off and on. somedays it's fine. but for the sake of my life...

and gibson's called me. but i haven't called them back yet. because i suck. cock.

i am over-reacting about all of this. this everything.

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i won a bid today on ebay! i think, at least. this is my first win!

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i hate it when people that i love like people that leave a severe dis-taste in my mouth.

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i wish i could say that my life has been more interesting these past few days. while i've been gone...

i went to an actra sask. meeting thing yesterday, which proved quite beneficial. i didn't realize that kent allen has been in so many productions. i want to act soooo badly. beyond anything. and anyone. i will take classes. i should go down to malsala tomorrow and see about having an agent. i should. and they have classes too i think. double benefit. i never do anything. i don't know why this is. i want to though. i want to.

i haven't been here. and might not be...

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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