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disclaimer: this is the life and times of meredith r. mistletoe. i'm making a slight attempt to disguise my identity and hide things that i write about and pretend i don't feel things i do. but if you read this and i don't know you read it, then you read it at your own risk. and you should let me know you're reading it... especially because a lot of the time things need clarifying or aren't quite true anymore or etc etc etc.

note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2004.04.23 3:59 p.m.

(edit: i've just been exploring margaret cho's blog, and i came across her entry from when sweet elliott smith died. and it's amazing: it's here and i think that you should read it. whether or not you loved him. because it's beautiful. and it says almost everything i would have liked to. would still like to. i still don't know how to deal with it properly..)

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life can get so weird so quickly..i never really expect anything. not that life is that weird, just that compared to the amounts of bore..you know.

on wednesday i didn't go home and sleep. i walked home from the subway feeling sad but then i saw chala and then i saw sarah at my work and then i felt better. and little italy's so beautiful sometimes it's hard to be sad.

and then chala invited me for a dinner party. so i called geordie to try and get the marks to come. it turned out they had practice so they couldn't, but me and geordie still talked on the phone for over an hour. i think i'm in love! (i'm always in love.) we talked about licorice and movies and music and our parents and everything. it was nice, really really nice. i love new friends. and cute boys. and he wants to hang out. so we will.

the dinner party was one part really fun and one part really strange. it was me, chala, priscilla, chris, matt.c, matt.m, serenity, and park bench, oh and serenity's boyfriend for a bit. the supper itself was divine. chala's amazing. and then we drank far too much red wine. i've decided i really like mattmanna. he's nice and quiet and strange. we had a lot of fun just hanging out and talking and eating. it was kind of sad when people started leaving. but me, chris and matt.c stayed over. and had giant group cuddles. and other weird bits.

then yesterday i went home and slept for a bit, then worked, and then priscilla, me and priscilla's friend kimber went to see another blue door. oh man i like them. i like them more every time maybe. kimber was nice too, and exactly my height. oh, and park came too for a bit, and that's when we all got quite quite drunk! wiskey sour, that's going to be my new thing, it's pretty delicious. i was drunk two nights in a row..that's a little odd in my world.

we danced so much, it turns out a.b.d. is way more dancible than we'd thought. so so good though. and kimber thought i was a good dancer. i love it when people like my dancing because it's so ridiculous.

we spent so long talking to (car)nathan and steve. in a goood way. the lead singer(dave)'s girlfriend is having a baby soon. awwww. i said i really wanted a baby and steve said he did too. maybe we can make a deal! i might have talked really awkwardly with nathan's ex-girlfriend about how i'm their groupie. funny! she was really really nice. and i really didn't know that she was his ex-girlfriend, and i didn't exactly state that i'd made out with him..so it's fine.

but yes, me and steve had such a long good conversation. mostly about sex (and my fear of it), and also about music and dancing and talking. all the good stuff. he recommended i read the unbearable lightness of being. has anyone ever read this? steve and i also talked about me making out with nathan and how it's kind of weird. and steve said it was the highlight of nathan's tour. ha! funny in a good way. and then we told nathan we'd been talking about it. oohhhooo awkward!

i'm still attracted to nathan. he's so cute and tall and sweet. i don't know if anything should happen, i'm just saying he's attractive..and also saying i have absolutely no idea how he feels towards me.. and steve is attractive too a little. a lot, and very perceptive and interesting.

there's too many boys. for serious.

this entry is far too long but there's too much to say.

i'm doing too good in humanities and comm. now that i've said that i'll probably flunk out. but still. where are these marks coming from?

we had final scene presentations for christine's class today. it went..okay. actually it felt terrible, but in a workable way. if that makes sense. i mean, it was incredibly interesting to hear her feedback and work with it. though afterwards i was a little worried that i'm just plain old sucky. i talked to ali though and she thinks that christine kept on me because i'm good and have that potential..and it does seem that way, i mean, that she's done that with other people. i hope i'm not sucking. aww.

aaaand we had tiny interviews with paul today. aaaand i'm not failing anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm quite quite glad. he's so nice and perceptive. he said he's so glad that i kind of know what's going on with myself and that he's really seeing progress. he said i know what i have to work on. he also said i'm still doing a bit of my tricksy (yes, his word) things, and being the clown. and i said it's such a wall. as soon as i stop it's all open, and i know i have to do that, but it's terribly hard. and he said that when i could stop it and be open and grounded and present that i was gorgeous. as opposed to cute or funny. so nice.. i'm in love. seriously.

wow, i shouldn't be in love with so many people.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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