note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2004.10.10 2:23 p.m.

well, this thanksgiving i'm thankful for all that i have i decided. thank you ellen. i can't even imagine being in niger. i wouldn't even want to because i'm so terribly selfish. but i do have it so terribly good.

elliott smith's new cd is coming out soon. ohhh. i don't know how to feel about this. everything makes me want to cry. i still haven't accepted that he's dead, it's harder when he's got a new cd. well, i'm obviously buying it and crying.

this life is a strange life.
i keep having the weirdest nights.
i keep wanting to give complete descriptions of them. and write all about it. but it's so boring for everyone. and it doesn't do it justice.

i keep feeling intensely shitty about my interactions.
except maybe with niki. or fraser.
but in groups...especially when compared to others.
although luckily i don't yell and throw things. unlike some people.
hillary if you were woken last night in the middle of the night by people yelling, it was john. what a terrible drunk. i mean, amusing, sure...

[i want the ocean right now i want the ocean right now. i get so jealous that i can't even work. there i am in the morning and i don't like what i see.]

i was in a bad mood last night. but then i had a nap and felt a bit better. i wish fraser had been at the show. i wanted to see him but i wasn't sure about being outside in parks.
niki and i went by the show and gave john his birthday present and card. he wanted us to stay but we wouldn't pay so he came outside with us.. we went to the alcove and yelled at jamesreimer because he wouldn't come inside (sorry fraser, i didn't kiss jamesreimer for you..). then we went the hose but we didn't go in. danced outside to beyonce.
stood around outside of amigos for a long period of time. then we left. gave this awkward boy a ride home..he wanted to ask niki out - luckily i was there so he really couldn't. we stayed at niki's for awhile..i wish i hadn't have felt so ill. and scratchy.

we went back to amigos when the show was over. jamesreimer had left though which was overly-sad because i really wanted to take him home with me. hah hot.
and john had gotten terribly drunk and was trying to convince the band's drummer to play 'brown eyed girl' and to come sleep on his couch ("my cat peed on it! but you can't even tell, you should come sleep on it!") and he was yelling a lot..though luckily not throwing glasses.
so we drove him home and he convinced us to come inside and we found serena there too (we should have driven her too but we didn't know she lived in the same building..) and so we went up and he played his organ far far too loudly. and i read some more penthouse. serena left for a minute and john asked where she went and i said she went to make tea and he said "did you just say she's too metis?".
and then he kept yelling about how he couldn't believe we were there (but we were there yesterday too...what?) and then telling us not to leave.

it was very very bizarre. to an extreme.
the theory about john being pure evil seems to be ringing true.

i just want to sleep. i don't know what to feel about anything. it seems like it's easier to just ignore it all.

i'm going to thanksgiving at the twinsies' house tonight. that should be plenty interesting. and amusing hopefully. i think i'll dress nice..and spend the evening hitting on ashley's boyfriend. just to make things awkward.

whatever i'm going home soon. less than three months.

i only want to sing.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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