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disclaimer: this is the life and times of meredith r. mistletoe. i'm making a slight attempt to disguise my identity and hide things that i write about and pretend i don't feel things i do. but if you read this and i don't know you read it, then you read it at your own risk. and you should let me know you're reading it... especially because a lot of the time things need clarifying or aren't quite true anymore or etc etc etc.

note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2002.06.13 10:30 p.m.

okay.

so i haven't cried yet today. big acheivement. although at work i almost passed out. it was fairly frightening because i have never, ever passed out. but i was so dizzy and lopsided and i had really bad cramps. which is the stupidest thing i've ever heard of because i've had really bad cramps for the past four (?) days. this is fucking shit. you know whenyou have a regular stomach ache, and it hurts....? well cramps are weird because they cause my legs to hurt and ache and my back to seize up. and i spend all my effort trying to relax all my muscles, but then another wave of pain comes and it's all i can do not to fall over. and i get really feverish (hot and sweat) and nauseous. it is the least fun. ever. and i feel so stupid when people say, what's wrong with you? and the rare times that i tell them the truth they react like i'm over-reacting really badly and should just suck it up. and oh i would if i could.

[for some reason andrew only ever tells the story on his diary about how he walk me home from a show and stayed till ten the next morning. and yes, i am never very subtle....but there were other excellent times, including this day when i had cramps and we just lay around watching my so-called life (i think) and he kept his warm hand on my belly the entire time...it was beyond comforting. beyond.]

actually the only thing that got me through work today was jerry. no really. i spent the entire time thinking nasty thoughts about him. just to entertain myself. not mean thoughts, neither. just dirty. and it was so funny. things along the lines of:
"janel, can you help me put this stuff in the freezer?"
-oh, i could help you jerry, but the freezer won't be cold by the time we're through in there.-
"hey jerry, that's a really neat car you have out there."
"yeah, thanks..."
-mmmhmm, i bet it has lots of room for sweet sweet lovin.-
mind, you, i didn't say these things out loud. i just laughed to myself about them. and they weren't even all nasty things. just...
-you have pretty feet.-
-and bright eyes.-
if you'd stop talking, you'd be okay.-
but the thing is. it was far less gross than it should have been. probably because it was so silly. this all stemed from how at the staff meeting he directed every comment towards me and held eye contact with me for two long.
by the way this is all a joke.

mmmhmmm.

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i don't think that people air enough dirty laundry on here. we should really all fight on here a lot more.

not that i'm not fighting enough in real life.     [and what happens when me and matt see each other tomorrow? i, for one, hope it's going to be more of the really really fun ignoring each other bits.]

oh yeah, come to the show tomorrow at 8ish i guess. niki, especially. do it. there'll probably be some dreamboats. maybe if everyone comes someone will be able to fix something in my life. ai.

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so on the way to pick up my headshots i was so nervous. i thought for sure they'd be so bad....that we'd have to do another roll and i wouldn't be able to get my application thing together in time. but they are so so EXCELLENT. so much. so. ack. there's one that i love. it isn't my mum's favorite though...but i have like 10 to 14 really great ones to choose from. oi vey. no really. i would kill to have a scanner today but...i don't, so....so everything!
i'm so glad. it doesn't even matter if i get into the film camp because i have such excellent headshots and that's all i need. damn, i have to stop talking about this, curse of mere and everything....aik.

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had blizzards with alisin on broadway. we got checked out a lot. this happens to me a lot more when i curl my hair. and we're hot. no, really, we actually are fairly good-looking. we should hang out together all the time, except she's hotter. but we look so different that, well, if you're not attracted to one, you're attracted to the other. or both. fine, this isn't true....but...we aren't gross. yes, that's better. not gross.

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i haven't eaten real food today. i feel empty and hollow.

i don't know how to proceed in any changes that i want to make. i don't know how to repair broken shit. especailly when the other person just keeps breaking and breaking. i'm so going to do jerry.

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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