note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2003.03.15 1:09 a.m.

time is an ass. it always works wrong for me.

one minute i say 'i can't wait to go to bed, then the next, there's too much i'm wanting to do, i'll never get enough sleep.'

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ebay is scary. not because of the service, no far from it, but because how easy it is. i shouldn't be able to access it in the middle of the night, knowing the password to my mother's paypal account. ah, crap. i'll never be able to save money. ever.

i just thought that i needed a couple of things. maybe everything. specifically tonight i bid on the movies 'whatever' and 'new waterford girl'. but the truth (sort of) is that i need them for research. i think about my tv show all the time, but i do little writing for it. i want to do more research and study of movies/tv shows that i really like and have made think. movies i also think are important to this study: 'heathers' 'pump up the volume' 'amelie' 'empire records' 'stealing beauty'...etc etc. i will steal bits of all the goodnesses and make it new and mine.

this lack of money gets to me in such a way that i think 'humm, i can't save money, so why shouldn't i buy every little thing that i see?' this is stupid.

i didn't buy the bikini though. instead i went to smart set and bluenotes. buuut i got 4 shirts/sweaters for $15. soooo not soooo bad.

alyssa's last night was pretty rocking. there were less people than i expected, but that was fine. except maybe the noticible lack of fraser.. i was quite drunk and still quite comfortable (this should happen more often). it was funny that the only boy who stayed was greg. kay-lee-ah (have to go with phonics here, i have no idea how to spell it) was so funny, 'just chillin' by the toilet. sometimes it's fun to feel like a typical teenager for a few hours.

loli and sheila brought their japanese exchange girls with them. they were a riot. it was just like in can't hardly wait....no, it wasn't. they were quite silly though. and they loooooved greg (giggle and swoon), (he's 6'3 and very blonde and blue-eyed) they got their picture taken with him, all doing the rock sign. awesome. i learned a japanese word, i don't know how to spell it, but it sounds like yo-pa-lie (i like) maybe yo-pa-lai. i don't know okay. but it means drunk!

before that i went to mcgettigans' with courtney, that was nice. we breifly saw jeffmorton and kurt. ha. i just feel bad because courtney's kind of shy with people she doesn't really know. although, she should know jm by now. i also taught courtney's dad, ie: "The Don" about using ebay. he's scary. therefore i just kind of mocked him, and it turned out okay.

i hope matt's okay, he was very sick last night apparantly. everyone seems to be sick these days. stop it.

i get to do the play again tomorrow. yay! yeah yeah. i don't remember my lines. i'm going to fall over.

then tomorrow night alvin's having people over i guess. i'm not sure if i'll go. i'd like to see mary ellen and ian (his parents)....alvin said they asked if i was coming. funny. i talked to him tonight, he's doing treatment in boulder i guess. therapy. he sounds really good, also still completely alvin. so completely. in one way in makes me so happy to talk to him, but in another way....shakey. or memoried or something.

iii'm so tired of thinking about things. i wish more aspects to my life were all cut-n-dried. pre-shrunk and glued. i'm also tired of being alone on different levels.

and tired of not being able to tell one person everything.

that's the story of, that's the glory of..

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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