note: potential employers: please do not judge me on my diaryland. that's lame.

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2006.10.21 2:42 p.m.

Tea and ginger cookies for breakfast.

These days I constantly assume that I have nothing to do so I forget about things. A lot. I kept for getting I had to go to work yesterday, kept trying to make social plans. Second-last skydome shift this month - I can't remember if there's more next month.

Went for brunch Thursday with Sophia and Norman to Aunties. Mmm. I wish they hadn't run out of waffles before I got there.. but then I would never have tasted the delicious soup. You know, I've never had a bowl of soup there that I didn't really like. We had good talks and I bothered David and we said 'penis' a lot.

After I went and visited my agent, who seemed happy to see me. I was happy to see him. I think he's funny and sometimes he calls me 'sweetie' but not in a condescending way, more like in an affectionate way. Hopefully he doesn't want to drop me. That would suck. He said it would be alright to go home for December... but he also said maybe I should stay for a bit of December. Oh hum... I don't know what to do. Ever.
You know what would make me stay into December? Landing a job!

Speaking of; I guess I got a job. Yucksies. Doing coat-check at that restaurant and then probably training to do hostessing. Oh lucky me. I have to start tonight.
Did you know that Fruits and Passion never offered me a job? Wild.

I have way too many things out from the library again. I'm just setting myself up for failure. Failure at being a good borrower. But I did get a Christmas book!
Oh you know it's just around the corner.

Man, skydome's so fun. I really like it a lot. I really like all the people there. And it's so easy, especially when I'm in a good mood. Which I was yesterday. I worked by myself up on 500 and I made good money. I also got hit on a lot. Which always happens when I'm friendly. But no one overly-obnoxious, and the Roughriders were playing so I made some friends from Saskatchewan. That was fun. Especially the guys from Warman. Hahahha Warman.
There was a surprising amount of babes though. Maybe football attracts a better looking crowd? Or maybe just more people closer to my age?

Not that it matters because I so need to stay away from babes.

I still feel so bad about Curtis. I dreamt last night that I ran into him. And that I apologised and that we went back to going on dates.
But the whole reason I can't call him (apart from it having been way, way too long at this point) is that I just wouldn't know what to say. I mean, clearly I am incapable of dating anyone. Ever. Let alone when I have to be the aggressor. I'm a bit of a babe. People should want to date me and therefore put effort into doing so.

Well, actually they shouldn't, seeing as I'm an idiot and can't interact properly with humans. And my feelings don't work properly.

Sometimes I wonder about being the product of a spinster mother (haha spinster is such a cool word). Especially one that never dated in my time. I do not expect to have a husband. I do not believe that forever love is possible. For me. Also I have no model of love and marriage or partnership. I have no concept of how it works or if I have the skills to accommodate/facilitate it.
Hmmm.
Like Sophia's parents have been in love forever and probably will continue being in love forever, and so Sophia is waiting to find a husband. We all become our parents. Breakfast Club says so.

Even as a kid on the playground we (at age 9 or so) were having a serious discussion about sex and I wouldn't stop yelling "variety is the spice of life" whilst my friends were deciding to save themselves for marriage (not that that worked out, of course).

But I would like a husband? There are plenty of people in my life that I plan on marrying one day. That I plan on being in love at some point...
But I don't believe in it.

And the patterns that I've been setting myself in aren't particularly conducive to relationshipping. For instance, I should learn how to trust people, learn how to not to manipulate people (because I hope that it is not on purpose), and mostly learn how to limit my interest to one person at a time.

I disappoint myself.

Had that audition yesterday. I think it went fine. But, um, when we did one of the scenes a second time they asked to see it a bit more cute. Unheard of! I still feel like I look way too young for it.
Niki says I look fifteen. And a woman at work said with my awkward bangs I look like a small child.
Hahaha I'm such a dreamboat cruise.

Oh Bully I don't want to go to work today.
I'm just not cut out to be a worker. Especially since this'll be the longest shift of my life. But oh how I need the money...

previously - and then

*oh random entry*

all the diarylands. - 2008.02.21
I move my head. - 2008.01.27
read the other one. - 2008.01.21
was Medium? - 2008-01-17
Or maybe I won't. - 2008.01.15

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